Open: Hospital -- Admissions Area
J.D. walks in, sporting a white lab coat.
J.D.'s Narration: Work seems different now that I'm a resident; I feel more confident, more like a -- hell, I'll say it -- a doctor.
Feeling so confident, he uses a deep, authoritative, manly voice....
J.D.: Good morning, people!
No one notices him.
A lady passes.
J.D.: You're gonna be fine, ma'am.
Lady: I work here.
J.D.: That still doesn't change the fact that you're gonna be fine!
Dr. Cox: Why...in the hell are you wearing a coat?
J.D.: 'Cause I'm a doctor.
Dr. Cox: Look, Babs, if you're truly worried about people seeing your ass, just go ahead and do what all the other girls do and tie a sweater around your waist.
J.D.: Well, I look doctorly!
Dr. Cox: No, you look like the guy who goes to a garage sale, buys a bronze star, pins it to his lapel, and then tells everybody to call him "Sarge." And Newbie, nobody likes that guy. Not a soul.
He walks off.
A supply cart is pushed away to reveal the Janitor standing against the wall.
Janitor: I was in the military.
J.D.: Where did you come from!?
Janitor: If I find out you're wearing a bronzie, without having served, I'm gonna make things uncomfortable for you.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Coat-wearing doctors do not take this crap.
J.D.: You were never in the military.
Janitor: Yes, I was.
J.D.: Which branch?
Janitor: The...janitor branch.
He walks away.
J.D.: I'm watching you.
The Janitor looks back over his shoulder.
J.D.: That's right, Sasquatch.
J.D.'s Narration: You see, things have changed.
Cut to...
O.R.
Turk is hunched down to the table, assisting a very short doctor -- Dr. Amato.
J.D.'s Narration: We've begun to adapt to new situations.
Turk stands to stretch.
Turk: [to a nurse] Oh, my back is on fire. If Dr. Amato was any shorter, I'd be passing him instruments with my feet.
Dr. Amato: Dr. Turk, I need you down here.
Turk: Coming down.
Cut to...
Cafeteria
Elliot is in line to get her food. An attractive doctor, Dr. DiStefano, is in line behind her.
J.D.'s Narration: Even other people are starting to see us differently.
Dr. DiStefano: Hey there, Doctor.
Elliot: Oh, me! Of course, because I'm a--I'm a doctor. I mean I--I've got the, uh, I've got the outfit. I've got the, uh, heart, uh, hearing thingie.
Dr. DiStefano: Uh, "stethoscope."
Elliot: Oooh, paging Dr. Know It All to the cafeteria!
He laughs.
Cut to...
A Bar
The gang are shooting pool. J.D. is still wearing his coat.
Turk takes his shot.
Turk: [groans in pain] Ohhh, sweet baby James.
J.D.'s Narration: Most importantly, we've started to treat each other with respect.
Turk: Dude, you are such a loser, man.
J.D.: I think I look spiffy. I'm trying to separate myself from the whole pack.
Carla: Oh, you already have, Bambi -- you're the biggest geek to ever come through here.
Turk: [laughs] Yeah, he is.
Carla: Don't laugh -- you're the jocky frat-boy with a back problem.
Turk: Yeah, I am.
Elliot: Oh, do me! Do me! Do me!
J.D.: You're gonna want to be careful about yelling that out in a bar.
Elliot: I'm serious! All you guys get to be something: The dork, the jock, the spicy firecracker from the school of hard knocks. No offense, Carla. Dammit, what am I?
Carla: You're white.
Turk: The whitest.
J.D.: Yeah, you are.
Elliot: Oh, come on, J.D.'s white!
J.D.: [doing a "dope move"] I ain't hearin' that, woman, 'cause I'm talkin' to him.
Turk: Okay, it's a tie.
He and Carla leave the table.
J.D.: T. Diddy?
~*~
OPENING THEME
COMMERCIAL
~*~
I.C.U.
J.D. is at the bed of a patient, a middle-aged man.
Mr. Blair: You got me in the I.C.U. for a cold?
J.D.: Mr. Blair, you have a severe sinus infection, with orbital extension; you were admitted delirious from your hundred-and-six degree temperature, completely naked and very adamant about staying that way.
Mr. Blair: I was hot.
Nurse Roberts: I'll second that. Mm-hmmm....
Dr. Kelso passes through the Unit.
Dr. Kelso: Sharp coat, sport.
J.D.: Oh, yeah. It's spiffy!
Dr. Cox: Shocker, Big Bob -- you care more about appearances than actual---
Dr. Kelso: Better finish that thought quickly, Perry, I'm not breaking my gait.
Dr. Cox: Just saying: Substance, style, what's important, coat, not---
Dr. Kelso: Ha! Ha! Ha! Too slow!
J.D.: [under breath] Think you really got through to him.
Dr. Cox stops and turns.
J.D.: Oh, my God, you hear like a bat!
Dr. Cox growls.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Idiot! I wish I had a guy in my life that would stop me before I did something stupid.
***Fantasy Sequence: A Bar
J.D. leans in to kiss a pretty girl.
Suddenly, a sharply dressed man steps in, hauling J.D. away from her. He jerks off the woman's wig -- revealing her to be a man.
As he does this, he bellows an operatic: "MISTAKE!"
****
J.D.'s Thoughts: I don't know why he's an opera singer.
Dr. Cox gets in J.D.'s face, tightly circling him as he speaks....
Dr. Cox: Listen closely, Tiny Dancer: I wouldn't be flapping my mouth if I'd forgotten to get a blood culture on Mr. Blair. And, for the love of God, do you at least remember what you were doing the day they were passing out common sense? Oh, gosh, maybe you were running late that day 'cause you just couldn't find the right thong for those low-rider jeans [whacks J.D. on the butt] that you love so much, or maybe you were busy bopping along to whatever boy band really makes your heart race nowadays, and you just drove on by. 'Course, I don't know, I'm just guessing, but one things' sure-shootin': you wound up at the dumb-dumb store and you just went ahead and put so much of that into the car that you could fit, didn't ya?
J.D.'s Narration: And then, I did something I've never done before....
J.D. gets into _Cox's_ face, and begins circling....
J.D.: Look, Doctor: If you flip the page on that chart, you'd see that I pan-cultured him yesterday; but that would probably get in the way of the perverse pleasure you take in pointing out other peoples' slip-ups. Well, too bad, Buster Brown! Because I'm a resident now, and I'm not gonna be making the same little silly intern mistakes I made last year. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't stand here and yell at me in front of my patient.
Dr. Cox: "Buster Brown."
J.D.: "Buster Brown."
They stare each other down. J.D.'s lip trembles slightly.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Focus all energy on lip not quivering.
Finally...success.
Dr. Cox grunts in frustration and walks away.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Wow!
~*~
Nurses' Station
Turk is lying flat on the floor behind the counter. Carla stands over him.
Carla: How's the back, Sweetness?
Turk: Perfect. Baby, I'm sorry the last couple of nights I haven't been able to give you the regular dose of the Turky jerky; but you rest assured your man will be back in action before you know it.
Carla: You go ahead and take your time.
She steps over him and leaves.
Turk groans in pain.
Dr. Amato approaches and stands over Turk.
Dr. Amato: Hey, there, big fella. Just checked the board -- we're together on a thyroidectomy
this afternoon. Could be a long one.
Turk: Oh, that's great, Dr. Amato.
J.D. arrives.
J.D.: Domo arigato, Dr. Amato.
Not amused, the doctor walks off.
J.D.: How is that not funny?
Turk: I don't know, dude.
He struggles to his feet.
The two walk together through the hall.
J.D.: You know, you guys are getting to be like Starsky and Hutch.
Turk: That'd be true if Starsky was a ventriloquist and Hutch was a tiny puppet.
J.D.: I would watch that show.
Turk: Yeah.
J.D.: Why do you keep ending up with that guy?
Turk: Because the other surgeons are busting my chops for skipping guys' night out.
J.D.: Oh, what, ending up with Dr. Amato is like a punishment or something?
Turk: No, dude; I actually enjoy needing you to lower me on the toilet in the morning.
J.D.: Check that out.
Up ahead, Elliot is engaged in a very friendly conversation with Dr. DiStefano.
J.D.'s Narration: I know it looks innocent, but Elliot was late this morning. Plus, once you've been here a while, you learn to read between the lines.
***Fantasy Shot: Elliot strips off her top and jumps the doctor.
****
J.D.: Mmm?
Turk: Mm-hmm.
~*~
Patient's Room
Elliot: Well, Mrs. Bumbry, I wish I had better news, but, unfortunately, you didn't qualify for the G.I. clinical trial, so we'll just keep plugging away.
Mrs. Bumbry: Great. So, how was the sex with that guy?
Elliot: What guy? [stuttering] I was--I wa--I was--I wasn't---
Carla: Elliot. I have other patients, Mrs. Bumbry needs a nap, we're all very busy....
The two look at Elliot expectantly.
Elliot: I have never done anything like this; I just met him and slept with him! POW!
Mrs. Bumbry: God, I miss one-night stands.
Elliot: The best thing was, since I knew it was just a fling, I wasn't afraid to ask him for exactly what I wanted.
Carla: Which was?
Elliot: Shirt on, lights off, no talking.
Carla: Well, you just be careful -- you wouldn't believe how quickly a reputation can be made in this hospital.
Mrs. Bumbry: You're a bit of a slut, aren't you!
Cat Stevens' "Here Comes My Baby" plays as Elliot makes her way through the hospital -- and the rumor makes its way through even faster.
She passes the observation window of the O.R....
Todd: As soon as we get out of this sterile field, I am going need the man who hit that [holds up his hand] to hit that!
Dr. DiStefano laughs.
Cut to: Admissions(?)
A staffer whispers the rumor into Elliot's ear. The music halts.
Elliot: Wait a minute. _I'm_ Elliot Reid. People! Listen up! This rumor ends right now!
Cut to...
I.C.U.
Nurse Roberts: She slept with him, and she hardly knew him.
Mr. Blair: Does that happen a lot around here?
Nurse Roberts: Not enough.
J.D.: Mr. Blair, that infection keeps hanging around so I wanna put you on a broader spectrum antibiotic that we'll administer intravenously.
Mr. Blair: But I'm feeling a lot better.
J.D.: I'm gonna tell you something my mom used to tell me whenever I was scared: In the case of severe sinus infection not responding to a three-day cycle of antibiotics, the recommended protocol is Imipenem, 500 milligrams, I.V.q. six hours. [chokes up] Got me through a lot of hard times.
Mr. Blair laughs.
J.D.'s Narration: I love it that Mr. Blair trusted me. It's one of the best feelings you can have as a doctor.
J.D. looks over at the next bed, at the end of which is the Janitor, who is wearing a white coat.
Janitor: [to the patient] How's it goin'?
J.D.: You can't wear that!
Janitor: What, you mean after Labor Day? Eh.
J.D.: You know what I mean!
Janitor: It's a white coat. Anybody can wear a white coat.
J.D.: [under breath] Jerk!
He storms off.
Janitor: [to the patient] You're what we call a "goner." I'm kidding -- there's nothing here.
He turns the chart around.
~*~
Hall
Carla and Dr. Cox are pushing Mrs. Bumbry through in a wheelchair. She has headphones on her ears.
Dr. Cox: So, Mrs. Bumbry, here, has inflammatory bowel disease, huh?
Carla: Yeah; and the new drug they're testing at the clinical trial could really help her out -- but, of course, she doesn't qualify.
Dr. Cox: Right.
Carla pulls one of the phones from the woman's ear.
Carla: You okay, Mrs. Bumbry?
Mrs. Bumbry: I liked Bow Wow when he was Lil' Bow Wow.
Dr. Cox: Oh, she's right -- rappers, they grow up so fast.
They let the woman get back to her music.
Dr. Cox: Look, Carla, if you're gonna survive in medicine, you've got to accept the fact that rules are rules. Hey! Anyone from that clinical trial around? [whistles] Hello? Hello?
An orderly walks up to them.
Dr. Cox: Yeah, this lady's supposed to be in this trial.
Orderly: Okay.
He wheels Mrs. Bumbry away.
Carla: What the hell did you just do?
Dr. Cox: When you speak of this -- and I know you will -- could I be shirtless? See, I think it would be more impressive if I was shirtless.
~*~
Another Hall
Turk and J.D. are walking through.
J.D.: Look, all I'm saying is, if you are a criminal, even if you aren't afraid of Starsky, if you round a corner and a tiny little Hutch puppet jumps out at your face -- "Freeze, sucka!" -- you're done for, it's over.
Turk: Does it have a real gun or a puppet gun?
J.D.: Puppet gun. They'd sew it to its hand.
Turk: Okay, I'd watch that.
They near a group of surgeons gathered around the assignment board.
Turk: What's up, fellas!
Turk enters the group, exchanging slaps and slugs, snaps and jive talk with the jocks.
J.D.'s Narration: I don't care what hospital you go to, Surgery is still a boys' club.
J.D.'s Thoughts: I'm just as cool as those guys.
J.D.: [waving exuberantly] Bye, Turk!!!
He leaves.
Todd: T-Dog, settle a little medical debate for us: I think Elliot's got a modest rack, at best; but my favorite attending, here, says that when he was "tuning in Tokyo" the other night, the reception was excellent!
Turk: You guys, Elliot's a friend of mine, so I really don't want to talk about that, okay?
Dr. DiStefano: [writing on the schedule board] So, Dr. Turk, how is your back?
Turk: My back's as swollen as Elliot's big-ass breasts, sir.
They all laugh and high-five.
Todd makes boorish gestures and noises.
~*~
I.C.U. -- Mr. Blair's Bedside
J.D.: I was paged?
Nurse Roberts: The patient's complaining of anosmia.
J.D.: Anosmia? You know, I always thought it was very funny that losing your sense of smell was called "anosmia." "A-_nos_-mia", you know, like "_schnoz_mia." Don't you find that very funny?
Mr. Blair stares at him.
J.D.: He doesn't.
Nurse Roberts: I'm calling Dr. Cox.
J.D.: Whoa; nobody needs to go call Dr. Cox.
Mr. Blair: This is only temporary, right?
J.D.: 'Course it's temporary. [clears throat] It could also be slightly more un-temporary.
Mr. Blair: You mean "permanent."
J.D.'s Narration: Just when you think you have this place figured out, it finds a new way to get you.
Cut to...
Hall
Dr. Cox faces the Lawyer, who is backed up by Dr. Kelso.
Dr. Cox: I'm waiting.
Lawyer: Unfortunately, you've, uh, put us in somewhat of a legal bind.
Dr. Kelso: Way to go, Ted. [pushes him out of the way] My God, man, you couldn't scare a child.
Lawyer: Who--who would want to?
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Cox, do you have any idea how much money this hospital makes from that G.I. trial into which you took the liberty of enrolling your patient?
Dr. Cox: I'm gonna go ahead and guess: Seven dollars.
J.D.'s Narration: Sometimes it comes right at you.
Dr. Kelso: Keep smiling, tough guy. First I'm going to report you to the Ethics---
Dr. Cox walks away.
Dr. Cox: Better finish that thought there, Bobcat, 'cause I'm not breaking my gait.
The Lawyer looks at Dr. Kelso.
Dr. Kelso: What are you looking at?
Lawyer: [averts gaze] Nothing.
When Dr. Kelso watches after Perry, the Lawyer goes back to staring at Kelso.
Cut to...
Hall -- Assignment Board
Turk stands amid the group of surgeons.
J.D.'s Narration: Sometimes it sneaks up on you.
Turk: Plus, when she dated J.D., she would just wear a t-shirt in the morning; so when she reached up high to grab a box of cereal, everybody in the room got two scoops of booty-flakes; and the two scoops -- they were packed with flavor. You know what I'm sayin'! Right? Right? Right!
They all high-five him.
Off to the side, Elliot has been listening.
Cut back to...
I.C.U. -- Mr. Blair's Bedside
Mr. Blair: I told you I didn't want these antibiotics. Tell you what: When your first grand-kid is born, you pick him up and you smell his head, why don't you give me a call and tell me how great it is?
J.D.: Mr. Blair, I'm really sorry this happened.
J.D.'s Narration: And sometimes, it hits you in places you didn't even know you were vulnerable.
Mr. Blair: Yeah, well you should be. It's your fault.
Dr. Cox: No more silly medical mistakes, huh? Nice going, there, Newbie.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Damn.
~*~
COMMERCIAL
~*~
Re-Open: Office of Legal Counsel
The Lawyer is leaning back in his chair at his desk. J.D. sits opposite him.
J.D.: Ted, you...seem different.
Lawyer: I bought some relaxation tapes.... They're working.
J.D.: A patient's blaming me for losing his sense of smell.
Ted leaps from his chair and shuts off his relaxing music.
Lawyer: Oh, God, you cut off someone's nose!? Where is it? Do you have it on you? [gasps] You're disgusting!
J.D.: No, I-I just gave him I.V. Imipenem.
Lawyer: Kelso's gonna blame me. Just...get rid of the nose!
J.D.: Ted, I don't--I don't have the nose. Maybe you should just calm down.
Lawyer: [berserk] MAYBE _YOU_ SHOULD CALM DOWN!
J.D.: My bad.
The Lawyer rifles through his file cabinet....
Lawyer: Imipenem...Imipenem...Imipenem....
He grabs out a folder and opens it on his desk.
Lawyer: [reading] "Unlike Gentamicin and Tetracycline, Imipenem has never been associated with anosmia." [relieved, laughs -- weakly as he catches his breath] My God, we're okay. We're okay.
J.D.: Great. Thank you, Ted.
He gets up and heads for the door.
Lawyer: It's...my birthday.
J.D.: What?
Lawyer: Nothing.
J.D. leaves.
Lawyer: [singing to self] "...And many more..."
~*~
Hall
Turk chases after an angry Elliot.
Turk: Elliot! Elliot! Come on; it's so tough to be a surgeon -- if you're not in, you're out!
She ignores him completely and leaves.
Dr. Amato comes up behind Turk.
Dr. Amato: Dr. Turk.
Turk looks behind him.
Dr. Amato: Down here.
Turk looks down.
Dr. Amato: I saw you switched off on our exploratory laparotomy this afternoon.
Turk: Yeah, it's 'cause I-I-I had to do a---
Dr. Amato: It's because I'm short.
Turk: You're not short.
Dr. Amato: Look, I know I'm the surgical assignment booby-prize, okay; but if my only other choice is being stuck in that stupid boys' club, I'd rather have them all make fun of me.
Turk: What could they possible make fun of you---
Dr. Amato: Stop it. All I'm saying is that it's possible to be a good surgeon without playing their game, okay?
Turk: You're really short.
Dr. Amato: I know.
They part company.
~*~
Hall
Elliot is walking through.
Elliot: No, Dr. Murray, I don't want any fries to go with this shake! [to self] I don't even know what that means!
A young female staffer, Noelle, approaches Elliot and walks with her.
Noelle: Excuse me, Dr. Reid?
Elliot: What? What!? You wanna ask me how many ceiling tiles I've counted this week? Or maybe you just wanna call me a name: Like "tramp" or "ho" or "slusident" -- which, apparently, is half "slut" and half "resident".
Noelle: No....
Elliot: Then what is it, Noelle, what do you want?
Noelle: I just wanted to know where the G-Spot is.
Elliot: The what-spot?
A few feet away, Dr. Cox is talking to Carla.
Dr. Cox: And for the hundredth time: You're right, you had absolutely nothing to do with me getting involved in this Mrs. Bumbry case. But, for God's sake, Carla, the much bigger problem facing us right now is just exactly how do we get you to stop annoying me?
Carla: Oh, yeah, I'm the problem. Look: Can't you just, for once, stay out of your own way?
Dr. Cox: Can't you just, for once, not be such a busy-body?
She storms off mad.
Dr. Cox: Oh, sore spot! [laughs]
Elliot: [overhearing] Uh! What spot?
Dr. Cox: "Sore spot."
Elliot: Dammit!
~*~
Cafeteria
J.D. is at a table, a bunch of books spread out in front of him.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Okay, the next step is to find out what _did_ cause Mr. Blair's loss of smell.
The Janitor sits at the table with his tray of food. He's still wearing his white coat, on which he has helpfully scribbled "JANITOR" with a Sharpie.
Janitor: Hey, pal.
A young woman comes up to the table.
Woman: Excuse me, Doctor?
Janitor: Oh, no, I'm not a doctor; I'm a janitor.
He points to the title on his coat.
Woman: Oh. I just assumed because of the coat.
Janitor: Right. Well, uh, janitors wear white coats around here, too.
Woman: Oh. You guys do a great job keeping this place clean.
She walks off.
Janitor: We thank you.
J.D.: No, _I'm_ a doctor! Look at the books, woman!
The Janitor picks up one of the books and begins to read. J.D. snatches it away from him.
~*~
O.R.
Turk and Dr. DiStefano stand over a patient with surgical dressing exposing a very hairy patch of skin.
Turk: Whoa! Is that a man's back!?!
Dr. DiStefano: [laughs] Hey, check out who I have assisting Dr. Rumplesurgeon.
They look through the window at Dr. Amato as Todd makes motions behind his back that he's playing bongo drums on the short doctor's head.
Turk: You know what: His name's Dr. Amato. And that girl you slept with -- her name is Dr. Reid. You should show them both some respect.
Dr. DiStefano: Yeah? Says who?
Turk takes a moment to gather his courage.
Turk: Says me.
~*~
Cafeteria
Dr. Kelso is getting his lunch. Carla comes up to him.
Carla: Dr. Kelso.
Dr. Kelso: [surprised] Mm! Carla. You look as good as I feel.
Carla: Mrs. Bumbry's fifty-three.
Dr. Kelso: Mrs. who is what?
Carla: The patient Dr. Cox got in to the G.I. clinical trial. She was disqualified because her chart said she was sixty-three, and the cut-off is fifty-five. But, the genius who admitted her calculated her age wrong; she's actually a perfect candidate.
Dr. Kelso: And Dr. Cox knew this?
Carla: He knew the whole time.
He angrily drops his tray onto an empty table and sits down.
Dr. Kelso: Fan-damn-tastic. Sweetheart, you'd better do the old heel-toe out of here, because you know as well as I do I'm going to take this out on somebody.
Carla: Bye-bye!
She leaves.
The Lawyer comes up to the table, a small cupcake with a lit candle in hand.
Lawyer: May I, uh, join you?
Dr. Kelso: [sadistic] By all means!
~*~
Nurses' Station
J.D. heads toward the Station, at which stands Dr. Cox.
J.D.'s Narration: Armed with the knowledge that I was right and he was wrong, I thought I'd enjoy this walk more. Still, I couldn't help but empathize, because I've been there, and I saw the signs: The shameful, averted gaze....
***Fantasy Shot: Dr. Cox looks down at the floor.
J.D.'s Narration: The nervous shifting....
***Fantasy Shot: Dr. Cox fidgets nervously.
J.D.'s Narration: And, of course, the wild, uncontrollable urination.
***Fantasy Shot: Dr. Cox whimpers as The entire front of his scrubs bottoms become soaking wet.
****
J.D. stands before Dr. Cox, staring at his crotch.
Dr. Cox: Gosh, I'm thrilled you approve, but, for the last time: I'm up here. I'm up here. [whistles] I'm up here!
J.D. finally snaps out of it.
J.D.: You were wrong and I was right.
Dr. Cox: I beg your pardon?
J.D.: Anosmia isn't a side-effect of I.V. Imipenem. Plus, Mr. Blair had multiple nasal polypectomies, and septoplasty; and his loss of smell is most likely caused by repeated manipulation of the sinuses along with concurrent infection. So, I didn't make a mistake; and you were wrong when you said, "Nice goin', Newbie."
Dr. Cox: Here you've put me in a tough situation: I can't honestly decide whether to say, "Duh," uh, "Doy," or a very sarcastic, "Oh, really?" My God, Fiona, I know it wasn't your fault; hell, the patient probably knows! But he seemed a little distraught, like maybe being able to blame somebody for a second or two just might make him feel a little better? And, I know, maybe it's me, but doesn't that seem like something that goes right along with wearing that fancy white coat? It...does, doesn't it.
J.D.: kinda.
Dr. Cox: Gosh, I'm so proud of ya. Put her there.
He hold out his hand
J.D. reaches out to shake it.
Dr. Cox whistles as he gives him the slip.
Dr. Cox: Woof.
He walks off.
J.D.'s Thoughts: "Woof"?
~*~
Cafeteria
Turk is at a table, eating. Elliot joins him.
Elliot: That girl just asked me to give her my top ten sexual positions; and, after the two that I knew, I just started naming insects.
Turk: Elliot, that really sucks; I'm sorry.
Elliot: I'm not sure. I mean, I was mad at you at first, but it's actually kind of empowering, you know, to have this...persona -- this identity. I mean, I'm not just some, you know, nameless, faceless white doctor -- I'm Elliot Reid: Tramp.
Turk: [laughs with disbelief] Wow. That's great! If you're happy, I'm happy.
Elliot: [contemplative] The weird thing is, she said she'd already tried "Stink-bug."
Cut to...
Admissions -- Front Desk
Dr. Cox is standing at the desk. Carla and Dr. Kelso approach him.
J.D.'s Narration: I still don't know why I was so desperate for everyone to know it wasn't my fault.
Carla: Dr. Cox, Dr. Kelso has something he wants to say to you.
Dr. Kelso: So, uh, I hear there was an age mix-up that I was not aware of. And, umm...anyway, uhh....
Carla: You're okay.
Dr. Kelso: I'm [makes quote marks with fingers] sorry.
J.D.'s Narration: I guess it comes down to how we want to be seen by other people.
Dr. Cox: Well, I'm proud of you, Robert. Put her there.
He holds out his hand.
Dr. Kelso reaches out to shake it.
Dr. Cox jerks his hand away.
Dr. Cox: Woof.
He scoots up onto the desk.
Dr. Cox: Oh, and I think it's important you understand that I had no idea how old that patient was, and, for the record, she could've been a hundred-and-seventy -- I still woulda stuck her in that trial so fast, it'd make your teeth fall out all over again.
He laughs.
Carla: That's perfect.
She leaves.
Dr. Cox: I would, too!
J.D.'s Narration: Some people want to be seen as the rebel.
Cut to...
Hall
Elliot passes a group of leering, cat-calling doctors, a look of disgust on her face. Once she passes, she smiles to herself.
J.D.'s Narration: Some people just want to be seen, period.
Cut to...
O.R.
Turk is assisting Dr. Amato.
J.D.'s Narration: Some people have limits on how far they'll go to protect their image.
Turk stands to stretch.
Dr. Amato: Dr. Turk, I need you down here.
Turk: [pained] Coming.
Cut back to...
Admissions Area
J.D. is there, sans white coat.
J.D.'s Narration: For me, it was when I stopped worrying about how other people saw me that I finally started to look better.
Nurse Roberts wheels Mr. Blair through.
J.D.: Oh, Mr. Blair, I just wanted to say again that I made a mistake, and I'm sorry.
Mr. Blair: It's all right.
They shake hands.
J.D.: Good luck.
Nurse Roberts: Come on, baby. Let's see if we can find you a ride.
She pushes the wheelchair to the front door.
J.D.: Laverne! [laughs] Careful.
The Janitor comes up to J.D.
Janitor: Oh, so we're done with the coats?? [he strips his off] All right. Well, it was a fun day, though, wasn't it? See you tomorrow.
He walks toward the door.
J.D.: Well, you know, maybe tomorrow, I'll get a bad hair-cut and push around a mop all day!
The Janitor stops.
***Fantasy Sequence: The opera singer steps up.
J.D.: I know -- you don't have to do it, okay?
"Mistake!"
He holds the note for a long time, impressing J.D., who counts the time on his watch.
J.D.: Yeah.
END
