Épisode Ma S.N.C S02E18 - Scrubs Saison 2

Turk and J.D.'s Apartment -- Evening

Turk and J.D. are in the living room.

J.D.'s Narration: Maybe it's because spring is around the corner, but lately it feels like romance is in the air.

Turk watches as J.D. leans into Rowdy for a kiss. (Which, for the record, he never actually completes.)

J.D.: How's that?

Turk: You close your eyes way too early. And you always go in right; you should try going in left -- the girls'll dig that.

J.D.: Okay. Fo'shizzle. [to Rowdy, sexily] What's up, girl.

Carla comes in.

Carla: Aw, there's nothing in life that dog could have done to deserve that.

Turk: What you talking about? My man's single, he's just running drills to keep his stuff sharp. That's all.

Carla: Ohhh.

J.D.: Also, it would be super fantastic if you never mention this to anyone, ever.

Carla smiles.

Turk: Are you crazy? You know she's gonna say something. [laughing] We're talking about Carla, here!

Carla: So now I'm a gossip?

Turk: Yeah, you're a gossip! You gossip all the time!

Carla: Since when?

Turk: Since ever--forever!

Carla: To who?

Turk: To everybody!

They continue to argue, but are drowned out by...

J.D.'s Narration: It's weird, ever since they got engaged, Turk and Carla have been arguing constantly.

J.D.: [to Rowdy, sexily] You want some kibble?

J.D.'s Narration: I guess I always hoped that, the longer you're a couple, the easier it got....

Meanwhile....

Cut to...

Dr. Cox's Apartment

Jordan is on the couch with the new baby.

Perry slumps onto the couch next to her, shirtless and with a beer, and flicks on the TV.

She grabs the remote and turns it off.

Jordan: No. Noise. And, by the way, the whole world gets it -- you love your body. Now put your damn shirt on; no one's making a calendar, here. Oh, and be a sweetie and get me a juice, will ya? Thanks so much.

He grumbles and gets off the couch, slipping into a football jersey.

Dr. Cox: As much as it may seem like it to me, personally, I feel desperately compelled to remind you that we are in fact _not_ in prison. And I am just so not your bitch!

Jordan: Watch your language in front of the baby!

Dr. Cox: You're gonna have to trust me on this one: Seeing as you're his mother, he's gonna hear that word early, and he's gonna hear it often. Like...non-stop!

J.D.'s Narration: Maybe the truth is that it's easier to be a new couple, because you can't really see what's ahead of you.

Meanwhile....

Cut to...

Elliot's Apartment -- Living Room

Paul is on the couch. Elliot stands behind him, tying a blindfold over his eyes.

Elliot: Tonight, I am going to make all of your fantasies come true.

Paul: You know, Elliot, I would be happy just to have sex _above_ the covers once.

Elliot: Yeah...never gonna happen. Now, follow my voice to the bedroom....over here!

Paul: You're in trouble tonight!

He stands and walks towards her, tripping over the coffee table, which causes him extreme but unseen injury.

Paul: [out of view] Oh! Oh! Oh, my God! Oh!

Elliot: Don't take the blindfold off! I'll, uh, I'll get a towel to stop the bleeding!

J.D.'s Narration: In the end, the safest thing for a couple is to find a routine and stick with it.

Cut to...

The Hospital -- Admissions -- The Next Day

Dr. Kelso is walking through, with Ted the Lawyer tagging along behind.

Dr. Kelso: Ted, have you noticed how happy all the minions are lately?

Lawyer: I wish I was dead.

Dr. Kelso: Yep. People love working here! [to a nurse] Good morning, sweetheart!

Nurse: Ugh.

A couple nurses pass by J.D., who is standing in the middle of the room.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Honestly, it all makes me glad I'm on my own. I really don't think I'd have it any other---

J.D.: Hello, ladies. Just window shopping, or would you like to try something on?

Nurse: Uh, aren't you the guy that makes out with dogs?

The two nurses giggle.

J.D.: Carla...a quick word?

Carla rushes out from behind the front desk and escapes into the hall.

He chases after her, and crashes into a passing food cart.

He collapses onto the fallen cart.

J.D.: [in pain] Is anybody else a doctor?

~*~

OPENING THEME

COMMERCIALS

~*~

I.C.U. -- Elevator / Nurses' Station

The elevator arrives on the floor, and Dr. Cox and J.D. step out, heading towards the Station.

Dr. Cox: I need you to extubate the young fellow in 304 and start an insulin drip on Mrs. Adler for the third time this month -- God bless diabetics who continue to drink -- oh, and [whistles] Lassie! In response to the bestiality rumors circulating about you, I've decided to forgo calling you by the usual girl's name and instead I'm gonna be referring to you by whatever famous dog I can think of. I've gone with "Lassie" because, of course, that satisfies the criteria of being both a girl _and_ a dog's name, thus helping you ease into the transition.

J.D.: I was just running kissing drills.

Dr. Cox: Ohhh! That's completely normal, then!

He sighs sharply and goes off.

J.D. looks at Nurse Roberts at the other side of the desk.

Nurse Roberts: Don't bring that filth over here.

Turk comes up to J.D.

Turk: [whispering] Dude! T.C.W.'s back.

J.D. turns to look into the room across the I.C.U.

J.D.'s Narration: T.C.W. is a horrible story.

J.D. walks towards the room, inside of which a young blond woman stands near the bed, her back to the camera.

J.D.'s Narration: She was married for three weeks before her husband got in a car accident and became a total vegetable. He's been on life support for the last two years; and since he was transferred to our hospital a month ago, she's visited every Wednesday. Very, very sad.

The touching guitar music turns funky as she turns around.

J.D.'s Narration: Oh, yeah, and she's a babe! We call her "Tasty Coma Wife" -- or "T.C.W." for short.

The hot intro halts and reality resumes as J.D. enters the room.

T.C.W.: How's he doing?

J.D.: You know...he's--he's the same. How are you doing?

T.C.W.: Actually, I was just calculating how much time I need to spend here so I don't feel guilty all week.... And now I need to double it, because I can't believe I just said that.

J.D.: I think you're allowed to do whatever you want, Mrs. Moyer.

T.C.W.: Please, call me Jamie.

J.D.: "Jamie"?

Jamie: Mm-hmm.

J.D.: Okay.

Jamie: You have something on your cheek.

J.D.: What is it?

Jamie: Here.

She gets out a tissue and rubs the spot on his cheek.

J.D.: Workin' in a hospital...it's always...something.

Jamie: Yeah, I get it.

J.D.: Oh. Did you get it?

Jamie: No, not yet.

***Fantasy Sequence...

She laves his cheek with her tongue, and they begin making out, collapsing across her comatose husband's bed.

****

Dr. Kelso and Ted poke their heads in.

Dr. Kelso: How we doin' today?

J.D. jumps back, interrupting Jamie's work with the tissue.

J.D.: Oh! We're excellent, sir. No one going to hell in here!

Dr. Kelso: Super!

~*~

Nurses' Station

Turk is following Carla.

Turk: Baby. You've always known about my sleep toots. Hell, you used to imitate the sound they made, remember?

He imitates it.

Nurse Roberts: I make Mr. Roberts wear special air-tight boxer shorts.

Turk: Laverne, I wrote the guest list for this conversation, and just in case, if you're wondering, you're not on it. Okay? So just [shoos her away] umn-jun-humn.

And as for you, could you go one day without making a big deal out of everything? One damn day! Woman!

He stalks off.

Dr. Cox approaches, with young Ralphie by the hand.

Dr. Cox: Hey, Carla, would you be good enough to take this young gentleman back to his room in Pediatrics? Apparently as a form of social protest, he chewed on and subsequently swallowed part of a Rolling Stones CD. [bends down to Ralphie level] I'll tell you what, there, Ralphie: They sold out for good once they started doing Ford commercials, you know what I'm saying?

Ralphie: [to Carla] Hm?

Carla: Mm-mm.

Dr. Cox: We--we'll talk later.

He goes.

Carla takes Ralphie's hand.

Carla: Come on, Ralphie.

He notices her engagement ring.

Ralphie: I had that inside of me.

Nurse Roberts: What, now?

Carla: He's just making stuff up. Come on.

Ralphie: I swallowed that ring, and my dad had to wait for me to go Number Two. And the black doctor gave me ten bucks to keep my mouth shut.

Carla gasps and drags Ralphie down the hall.

Nurse Roberts: [to self] Mm. Good show today.

~*~

Treatment Room

Turk is stitching up Paul's leg.

Elliot comes in.

Elliot: [sympathetic] Ohhhh....

Turk: Elliot! A blindfold! Way to step it up, Miss Nasty!

Elliot: Hm. You told him what happened.

Paul: We were bonding.

They knock fists.

Elliot: [not happy] Mm...

She takes a bite of the snack in her hand.

Paul: What are you eating?

Elliot: Turkey jerky. Protein, baby! Go for it.

She proffers the pack.

Paul: Uh, no thanks.

Elliot: You don't like jerky?

Paul: I've never tried jerky.

Turk: You've never tried jerky?

Elliot: Well, jerky rocks.

Paul: I won't like it.

Elliot: You'll love it -- have one bite.

Paul: Elliot, I've put a lot of thought into this, and I'm gonna have to pass.

Elliot: Uh! Oh, so, eight stitches, and now you don't trust me.

Paul: Elliot!

Elliot: [incredulous] And you wanted above-the-covers sex.

She leaves.

Turk: I feel your pain.

~*~

Exam Room

J.D. has the bell of his stethoscope at a man's chest.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Luckily, I'm a competent enough doctor that I'm not gonna let myself get distracted thinking about Jamie.

Patient: Can you really hear my heart if it--if it isn't in your ears?

Indeed, the ear piece is still just hanging around J.D.'s neck.

J.D.: Did _you_ go to med school?

Patient: No, I...I...I--No, I mean---

J.D.: No, you didn't. Thank you.

He surreptitiously tries to stick the farthest ear bud into his ear.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Okay, the problem is that I'm in a rut. I just need someone to go out and get a beer with me.

Elliot faces the camera...

Elliot: I can't tonight!

She angrily bites a piece of jerky.

Ted faces the camera...

Lawyer: If I have more than one beer, I'll most likely kill myself.

Dr. Cox faces the camera...

He does a spit take with his coffee and erupts in laughter.

Carla faces the camera...

Carla: Can't. You seen Turk?

Dr. Kelso faces the camera...

Dr. Kelso: [wiggling ring finger] Married!

Dr. Cox faces the camera again...

He's dying with laughter.

Turk faces the camera...

Turk: Sorry, buddy, can't swing it tonight.

J.D.: Oh, come on, player, just a few beers! And if we accidentally run into some skanky hos, then so be it!

Jamie: I'll go.

J.D. turns around with surprise to look at her.

Jamie: I totally need to blow off some steam. Plus, the best way to meet skanky hos is to already have a girl with you.

J.D.: Not that I need any help.

Turk: Pff! Hell no!

J.D.: Heh.

Turk makes motions to Jamie behind J.D.'s back to say that J.D. _definitely_ needs help.

J.D. looks over his shoulder at Turk, who begins brushing at J.D.'s scrubs.

Turk: You got something right....

J.D.: Oh?

Turk: Yeah, yeah.

Turk makes one more gesture at Jamie.

~*~

Dr. Cox's Apartment

Dr. Cox comes in. Jordan is on the couch with the baby.

Dr. Cox: Oh, my God. I gotta tell you about that day.

Jordan: I can't believe I haven't named him yet. I've been calling him Monkey Face all day -- I think they would tease him at school.

Dr. Cox: Seriously, Jordan, I had this one patient---

Jordan: He's got a boodgie the size of a grape in his nose. Would you run back to the hospital and get me one of those suctiony thingies?

Dr. Cox: If I'm not back in twenty minutes, I don't want you to worry because it simply means I drove by a prostitute on the way home.

Jordan: Oh, make sure it's a girl.

He whines miserably as he heads back out the door.

~*~

Hospital -- Cafeteria

Paul follows Elliot to a table, each with a tray.

Paul: Please don't do this.

She drops her tray and sits.

Elliot: Do what?

Paul: The whole drama queen thing.

Elliot: The jerky incident is exactly what is wrong with our relationship, Paul!

Paul: Thank you.

A spit-ball hits Paul in the side of the neck.

Paul: Ow! Every lunch, someone hits me with a spit-ball.

Across the cafeteria, J.D. whistles vaguely and slips his straw back into his breast pocket.

J.D.'s Thoughts: I'm still not sure how I feel about Paul and Elliot.

J.D. glances over at the next table. The Janitor saw what he did.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Uh-oh....

J.D.: Nice day, huh?

Janitor: You always gotta have something to say, don't ya? Old nosy nelly, always gotta throw his two cents in.

J.D.: O...kay, I'm--I'm sorry about the "nice day" thing. How can I make this right?

Janitor: What's it, uh, biscuit and gravy day?

J.D.: Yeah.

Janitor: Just give me one of them biscuits.

J.D. picks up one of his biscuits and tosses it to the Janitor. It bonks him in the face.

J.D.: [weakly] I thought you were ready.

~*~

Bar -- That Evening

J.D. and Jamie sit down at the bar.

Jamie: So, how does this whole wing-man thing work?

J.D.: Okay, essentially, you have to think of yourself as chum, okay?

Jamie: Okay.

J.D.: And your job as chum is to lure attractive women closer to the boat.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Mental note: "The Boat" could be a very cool new nickname.

An attractive woman comes near to order a drink.

Jamie grabs her attention and points her at J.D.

Jamie: Hey, baby! Would you like some of this?

J.D.: All right. [giggles bashfully]

Jamie: Look at that -- mmm.

J.D.: No, no, Jamie. [giggles] A little--

Jamie: Yeah?

J.D.: --a little aggressive! [to the woman] Sorry.

The woman goes off.

Jamie: [apologetic] Did you like her?

J.D.: No, no, no.... Her ass was way too perfect.

They laugh.

Jamie: I can't believe I'm actually having fun!

J.D.: I'm glad!

Jamie: So, "Tasty Coma Wife," huh?

J.D.: Oh, yeah, I'm sorry; I've heard some idiots call you that.

Jamie: I kinda like it.

J.D.: I thought it up.

Jamie: Cheers!

They clink bottles and laugh some more.

~*~

Carla approaches Turk with Ralphie in tow.

She holds her ring in Turk's face.

Carla: Is this true!?

Turk: Ralphie, I paid you ten dollars!

Carla: This is disgusting!

Turk: Why is it disgusting?

Ralphie: Because it was in my butt!

Turk: Ralphie, I'm dead serious: I want you to shut up! And you shut your mouth, now!

Carla: Would you wear this!?

Turk: Baby! Please! Look, I've had this steam-cleaned, like, three times! Not only would I wear it, I'll put it in my mouth.

He does so....and gulps.

Terror gathers on his face.

Carla: What?

Ralphie: [giggling] It's fun to eat things!

~*~

Parking Lot

Jamie drops J.D. off.

Dr. Cox is on the way to his own car with a box.

Dr. Cox: Oh, ho, ho, ho, Scooby! A married woman whose husband is still in a coma? Hoo, hoo! Can't tell you how many happy couples I know who got started just that way.

J.D.: Oh, will you relax...we just got a beer. Whatta you got there?

Dr. Cox: One hundred free booger suckers -- and you'll say nothing.

Oh, and Toto, please, oh please, keep hanging out with her. Because I'm really gonna enjoy watching this one bite ya right on the ass. And I good & guarantee you -- she will.

He chomps the air and shakes an imaginary object like a slipper as he heads to his car.

J.D.'s Narration: People in relationships are always quick to dole out advice, even though they're usually the ones that are messed up.

Cut to...?

Paul: See ya, Elliot.

J.D.'s Narration: Whether they're considering breaking up over a Slim Jim...

Cut to...

Treatment Room

Turk lies in the chair as a doctor readies a tube.

J.D.'s Narration: ...or having their stomach pumped...

Turk: [opening his mouth] Ahhhhhhhh!

Cut to...

Dr. Cox's Apartment

Dr. Cox empties the box of booger suckers onto the coffee table in front of Jordan with a vague "Ta-daaa!"

J.D.'s Narration: ...or just desperately trying to get some attention.

Jordan casually selects one of the bulbs and takes care of the baby.

Dr. Cox: [disappointed] Oh.

Cut to...

Turk and J.D.'s Apartment

The doorbell rings.

J.D.'s Narration: So, I'm not gonna sweat it just because I made a new friend, you know? I mean, what's the big deal?

J.D. answers the door to Jamie.

Jamie: Hey!

J.D.: [shocked] Hey.

Jamie: May I come in?

~*~

COMMERCIALS

~*~

The scene resumes...

Jamie is crouched down, getting to know Rowdy.

J.D.: He likes you!

Jamie: He must smell my dead dog.

J.D. laughs.

Jamie: So, you still haven't asked me why I called the hospital, pretended to be your sister, got your home address, and showed up in the middle of the night.

J.D.: Jamie, you've got a lot going on right now. I'm sure you're...a little confused....

Jamie: It's time for me to start my life over. And I would love to take you out to dinner, if you would be interested.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Holy crap!

Jamie: Jack wouldn't want my life to be over.

J.D.: Jack?

Jamie: My husband.

J.D.: Mr. Moyer!

Jamie: Call him Jack.

J.D.: I'd rather not.

Jamie: I know it's weird. But give it some thought, okay?

J.D.: Of course.

Turk comes home.

Turk: Hey.

Jamie: Hey!

J.D.: Hey.

Jamie: All right, I'll see ya.

J.D.: Yeah.

She leaves.

Turk: Dude! Was that---

He falls.

Turk: [from the floor, the wind knocked out of him] Was that Tasty Coma Wife?

J.D.: Yeah....

~*~

Admissions -- The Next Day

J.D. is standing at the front desk, lost in thought.

J.D.'s Thoughts: You'll figure out what to do. For God's sakes, you're The Boat!

***Fantasy: Pasty Coma Husband hands J.D. a chart.

Jack: Here you go.

J.D.: Oh, thanks, Jack.

He takes the chart with a smile...and then realizes....

J.D.: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

****

Nurse Roberts: What?

J.D.: Cold chart. Brrrrr! Heh.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Good cover!

The Janitor comes up next to J.D. with a pen and a newspaper.

Janitor: [reading] Five letters. "Showing vulnerability. 'A blank in one's armor'"...?

J.D.: [thinks] "Chink."

Janitor: What?

J.D.: "Chink!"

The Janitor steps back, revealing Franklyn the Lab Tech on the other side, who stares at J.D. wide-eyed.

J.D.: Oh, no, no. No, Franklyn, we were--we were, um, we were doing a crossword puzzle, and....

Franklyn: I always suspected.

Janitor: We all did.

Franklyn goes away, hurt.

J.D.: Franklyn, no!

Janitor: Wow. Tough break.

~*~

Patient's Room

J.D. and Dr. Cox are at the bed of a lady. Her young son (4-5 years old) sits on her lap.

Dr. Cox: Okay, Mrs. Brady, we're gonna try to break up your kidney stone with Lithotripsy. In the meantime, we're gonna put you on Percocet for the pain.

Mrs. Brady: I can't take pain-killers -- Justin's still breast-feeding.

The little boy gives a thumb's up to Dr. Cox and clicks his teeth.

Dr. Cox: Ohh, you like milk, do ya? Hah. Why don't you get on your bike and go down to the store and get some.

J.D.'s Narration: I think at a certain point, breast-feeding becomes creepy.

***Fantasy Sequence: Mrs. Brady is obviously breast-feeding her child.

Mrs. Brady: You are such a little cutie.

The kid, about 14 or 15, pokes his head up, a milk mustache on his lip.

Justin: [impatient] Mom, I'm trying to eat, here.

Mrs. Brady: But---

Justin: Mom!

****

Dr. Cox: Benji, come.

J.D. follows Dr. Cox as they exit the room out into the hallway.

Dr. Cox: What is with these mothers doting on their children? My God! It's like...it's like nobody else even exists in the world anymore! But I tell you one thing -- and you damn sure take it to the bank -- my mother never paid that much attention to me.

J.D.: It doesn't show.

Dr. Cox stops and faces him.

Dr. Cox: Word to the wise, there, Astro: Sarcasm does not sit well with the Big Dog, so consider this a warning. Because the next time I hear you mumble some snarky little passive-aggressive aside, I'm going to look into your heart, pick out your greatest insecurity, and shine the world's brightest spotlight on it for the remainder of your natural-born days. Now, riddle me this, Fido: Just exactly why does every Asian person who's passing us by in the hallway, here, keep giving you the old stink-eye?

A large Asian staffer passes J.D., forcefully bumping his shoulder on the way.

He gives J.D. an angry look.

J.D.: [to Dr. Cox] Oh, you're imagining things.

Dr. Cox: Oh.

Dr. Cox leaves.

J.D. rubs his shoulder.

J.D.: Ow.

Cut to...

I.C.U.

J.D. is explaining things to Jamie's unconscious husband.

J.D.: It's just been sorta hard for me lately, you know? I don't really have anyone special in my life, and...I'm pretty much either here or at home doing nothing, and....

***Fantasy:

Jack: Yeah, that's rough.... I'm in a coma! I've had an itch on my foot for the last eight months!

****

Elliot pokes her head in the room to see J.D. vigorously scratching Mr. Moyer's foot.

Elliot: What are you doing?

J.D. drops the man's leg.

J.D.: What? No--nothing. It's a...new therapy.

Elliot: Oh.

He follows her out of the room.

Elliot: J.D., you'd trust me on something that was important to me, right?

J.D.: 'Course.

Paul appears.

Elliot: See? That's what I'm looking for! Huh?

She continues on ahead.

Paul: Elliot! We're talking about dried meat, here! [to J.D.] Why would you get in the middle of this?

J.D.: I don't know what I was thinking.

Paul: Is that a straw in your pocket?

J.D. jerks it out of his pocket.

J.D.: No, this is just a...pen. ["writes" in his chart] "Pink scrubs"....

~*~

Nurses' Station

Carla is working. Ralphie is nearby. Turk comes up to her and presents the ring.

Turk: Well, there it is -- all cleaned up for you; enjoy.

Carla: Well, why don't you keep it...in case you get hungry later.

Ralphie laughs.

Turk: Ohh, you think that's funny, huh, Ralphie? Pay me my ten dollars!

The boy slaps the money into Turk's palm.

Turk departs.

Dr. Kelso and J.D. arrive.

Dr. Kelso: Son, a hospital staff is like a melting pot! We all need to respect each other. Now, if you think that a specific ethnic group is loud or lazy or sneaky....

J.D.: Or ridiculously closed-minded and inappropriate....

Dr. Kelso: Exactly! ...Just keep it to yourself, dammit!

The Janitor, ostensibly mopping nearby, begins to laugh.

Dr. Kelso: What?

Janitor: Oh, nothing, sir. I just--[clears throat]--I thought of something funny.

Dr. Kelso: Well, maybe what you should do instead is saddle up your mop and head upstairs -- someone has vomited in the second, third, and fifth floor hallways.

He leaves.

J.D. snickers.

The Janitor gives him a dirty look.

J.D.: What? It's not my fault! Ralphie! Let's ride.

They head down the hall.

As soon as they've rounded the corner, J.D. slaps some money into the boy's hand.

J.D.: Good work, buddy. Here's your twenty bucks. So you can really throw up whenever you want to?

Ralphie: Hell, yeah!

J.D.: We should probably look into that.... You know, right after you blow chunks in the elevator.

They arrive at the elevator. The door opens. Jamie steps out.

Jamie: Hey, stranger!

Ralphie passes her and steps in next to Dr. Kelso.

Ralphie: Hot!

J.D.'s Thoughts: It's weird realizing that you missed someone you barely know.

He smiles at Jamie.

J.D.: Hey!

He gets Ralphie's attention.

J.D.: Wait! Make me proud!

Ralphie smiles and the elevator door begins to close.

We hear the unmistakable sound of Ralphie doing J.D. proud.

Dr. Kelso: [out of view] Good God!

~*~

Cafeteria (yeah...yum-yum)

J.D., Elliot, Turk, and Carla share a table.

Dr. Cox is at the next one.

J.D.: I decided to take Jamie out on a date.

Carla: Who?

Turk: You know -- Tasty Coma Wife?

Elliot: No way!

Dr. Cox: Nice job, there, Hooch. I'll tell you what -- you give me a little prep time, and I'll rig it so that the husband can come with ya. Honest to God, I'll have him sittin' up right next to ya, no problemo. Whatta you say?

***Fantasy: P.C.H. Pops his head up over J.D.'s shoulder

Jack: I'm free, and I love Italian!

J.D.: You be quiet!

****

Carla: I can't believe you, Bambi!

Turk: She is so right, man.

Elliot: What are you thinking!?

Dr. Cox: [shaking his head] Oh, Rin-Tin-Tin-Tin-Tin-Tin-Tin!

J.D. shoots up out of his seat.

J.D.: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! And shut up! Okay? Who are you people to give me advice about anything? All you do is just bitch about your relationships all day long!

[to Dr. Cox] And you know what? Glare all you want, "Big Dog," okay, 'cause I'm not afraid of you. "Oh, no! Jordan's only paying attention to the baby!" That must be so hard for Dr. Look At Me! Isn't it? "Look at meeeeeee!"

[to Turk and Carla] And you two? Come on, you're arguing since you got engaged? Wow, you're probably the first couple that's ever done that, ever! It can't be that you're just scared, is it?

[to Elliot] And you! You! You know what, let's just--let's just forget for one second that a month ago you told me you couldn't be in a relationship with anyone. Because, for me, it's actually fun to watch you sabotage your relationship from the outside. It really is.

Honestly? The only thing that gives me comfort, you guys, is while I'm sitting at home, staring at the ceiling, just wishing that I had someone to talk to, is knowing that none of you idiots realize how lucky you are!

He storms out.

J.D.: Ugh!

Nurse Roberts comes around.

Nurse Roberts: Did I miss something good?

~*~

Sidewalk -- Evening

J.D. and Jamie are walking back from their date.

Jamie: Thank you so much for dinner.

J.D.: You're welcome.

Jamie: But what was the deal with tipping twenty dollars on a thirty dollar bill?

J.D.: Ah, nothing. I just--I love Chinese food...and...the Asian people! [laughs] What should we do now?

She stops and takes a deep breath.

Jamie: ...Kiss me.

J.D.: I could do that.

He does.

Jamie: Mm! You went left! Very cool.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Thank you, Rowdy!

Jamie: So, it's cold outside -- you wanna come back to my place?

J.D.'s conscience steps in, in the form of a vision of Jamie's husband standing behind her.

J.D.: Uhh.... Honestly, I think you--you might be moving a little fast for yourself. And there's a part of me that's very angry I just said that.

Jamie: I'm so sick of being alone, you know?

J.D.: I'll tell you what, if you look me in the eyes and you tell me that you're really ready to start something right now....we won't even need a cab -- I will, like, I will throw you over my shoulder and just sprint the twelve miles to your house!

She finds the humor.

There's a thoughtful pause.

J.D.: ...But....

Jamie: I'll call you sometime.

J.D.: I hope you do.

Jamie: Bye.

She gives him a kiss on the cheek and leaves.

Rhett Miller's "Come Around" begins.

J.D.'s Narration: I don't think people are meant to be by themselves.

Cut to...

The Hospital

J.D. is walking through the hall.