Épisode Mon vieux S01E19 - Scrubs Saison 1

1
00:00:02,895 --> 00:00:07,358
Turk et Elliot ont fait un exposé sur
les maladies vasculaires périphériques.

2
00:00:07,441 --> 00:00:10,903
Ils sont verts car ils doivent
le présenter à une conférence.

3
00:00:10,986 --> 00:00:14,240
Des tas d'internes
crèveraient d'envie de le faire.

4
00:00:14,323 --> 00:00:18,035
Pas moi, je m'en fous.
Mon exposé était cent fois meilleur.

5
00:00:18,119 --> 00:00:22,540
C'est politiquement correct. Surprise !
Ils ont choisi le type noir et la fille.

6
00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:24,792
- Bambi.
- Quoi ?

7
00:00:24,875 --> 00:00:27,503
Ce n'est pas une raison
pour se morfondre !

8
00:00:27,586 --> 00:00:30,881
Puis Elliot a dit quelque chose
qui a tout expliqué.

9
00:00:30,965 --> 00:00:35,094
- Nos parents viennent.
- Je suis désolé.

10
00:00:35,177 --> 00:00:39,098
Je voyais que mes amis étaient fâchés.
Mais il y avait un avantage :

11
00:00:40,182 --> 00:00:42,017
Je pouvais empirer les choses.

12
00:00:42,101 --> 00:00:44,019
- Tu n'es pas passé là.
- Aide-moi !

13
00:00:44,103 --> 00:00:47,064
- Tu n'entends même pas la télé.
- Je regarde les images.

14
00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:51,569
Si je croyais au karma, je ne leur
aurais pas rendu la vie si difficile.

15
00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:54,280
Salut, papa.
Non, non, rien.

16
00:00:54,363 --> 00:00:58,117
Turk et Elliot flippent
car leur parents viennent.

17
00:00:58,200 --> 00:00:59,702
Le karma ne me fait pas peur.

18
00:00:59,785 --> 00:01:02,955
Non, il n'y a pas longtemps
qu'on s'est vus.

19
00:01:03,873 --> 00:01:05,249
- Papa ?
- M. Dorian.

20
00:01:05,332 --> 00:01:07,042
Ça roule, les garçons ?

21
00:01:07,126 --> 00:01:09,044
- Une bière ?
- Je ne dis pas non.

22
00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:14,967
JD, ça c'est l'envers
et ça c'est le revers de la médaille.

23
00:01:15,050 --> 00:01:17,094
- Dégage.
- Il n'en reste que deux.

24
00:01:17,178 --> 00:01:20,514
- JD va sortir en acheter.
- Ramène des chips.

25
00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:31,859
SCRUBS
TOUBIB OR NOT TOUBIB

26
00:01:38,407 --> 00:01:40,367
Rowdy est un mâle.

27
00:01:40,451 --> 00:01:42,953
Mes parents ont divorcé
quand j'avais 7 ans.

28
00:01:43,037 --> 00:01:46,248
Jusque-là, rien d'anormal.
On a tous une relation différente

29
00:01:46,332 --> 00:01:50,628
avec notre père mais la mienne
m'a toujours semblé très différente.

30
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:54,131
La vache, je me la ferais bien.
Regardez-moi ces nibars.

31
00:01:54,215 --> 00:01:57,384
- Papa, je t'en prie.
- Désolé, Johnny, mais je suis un homme.

32
00:01:57,468 --> 00:02:00,471
- Tu sais ce qu'ils aiment, les hommes ?
- Les nichons.

33
00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:02,890
C'est exact, Christopher.

34
00:02:02,973 --> 00:02:06,977
Je vais me pieuter avant d'être
encore plus mal à l'aise.

35
00:02:07,061 --> 00:02:09,063
Ta mère avait de très beaux seins.

36
00:02:09,146 --> 00:02:11,357
- Et voilà.
- Veux-tu rester ?

37
00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:13,692
On a du temps à rattraper.

38
00:02:16,487 --> 00:02:18,614
Péter est réglementé, ici ?

39
00:02:18,697 --> 00:02:19,990
Non, lâchez-vous.

40
00:02:20,866 --> 00:02:23,327
Largage des amarres.

41
00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:27,540
- Bon sang, papa.
- Bravo !

42
00:02:27,623 --> 00:02:30,334
Quel moment mémorable.

43
00:02:32,211 --> 00:02:34,588
Les parents nous rendent fous.

44
00:02:34,672 --> 00:02:37,758
Voici mon hôpital.

45
00:02:37,842 --> 00:02:40,177
C'est superbe.

46
00:02:41,178 --> 00:02:44,557
Chérie, c'est interdit
d'être jolie, ici ?

47
00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:47,017
Pas officiellement, non.

48
00:02:47,101 --> 00:02:51,063
Tu serais bien plus beau
en tenue bleue.

49
00:02:51,147 --> 00:02:55,025
Merci, maman,
mais je préfère ma tenue verte.

50
00:02:55,109 --> 00:02:58,654
Les parents ont le don
de faire régresser leurs enfants.

51
00:02:58,738 --> 00:03:01,449
Je ne veux pas de tenue bleue !

52
00:03:01,532 --> 00:03:06,412
Allez. Tiens-toi bien. Allez.

53
00:03:06,495 --> 00:03:10,499
C'est hors de question, ma chérie.
Les permanentes font bon marché.

54
00:03:10,583 --> 00:03:13,794
Qu'est-ce qui se passe ?
Les parents sont de sortie ?

55
00:03:13,878 --> 00:03:18,591
Elliot et Turk ont fait un exposé
et mon père a aussi voulu venir.

56
00:03:18,674 --> 00:03:24,263
Si je te pose une question
qui n'a rien de médical,

57
00:03:24,346 --> 00:03:27,600
tu peux parier ta tétine
que je ne veux pas de réponse.

58
00:03:27,683 --> 00:03:29,435
- Compris ?
- Oui.

59
00:03:29,518 --> 00:03:32,188
C'est comme travailler avec un singe.

60
00:03:36,108 --> 00:03:38,152
- Quoi ?
- Rien.

61
00:03:38,235 --> 00:03:40,654
Pourquoi tu ne m'as pas
présentée à ta mère ?

62
00:03:40,738 --> 00:03:44,450
Elle est passée me dire bonjour
avant d'aller à l'hôtel.

63
00:03:44,533 --> 00:03:46,744
Elle revient visiter tout à l'heure.

64
00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:49,580
Je croyais que tu pensais
qu'elle ne m'aimerait pas.

65
00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:52,208
Elle ne t'aimera pas.
Écoute, bébé.

66
00:03:52,291 --> 00:03:56,003
Ma mère n'a jamais appelé
mes petites copines par leur nom.

67
00:03:56,087 --> 00:03:58,798
Elle appelait ma copine de fac
la Grosse pomme.

68
00:03:58,881 --> 00:04:01,383
Elle était grosse et paumée ?

69
00:04:01,467 --> 00:04:07,306
Elle avait une belle peau. Ne ris pas.
C'est vrai. Une très belle peau.

70
00:04:07,390 --> 00:04:09,850
Alors, qu'en pensez-vous ?

71
00:04:09,934 --> 00:04:12,937
Il est temps de rentrer prendre
un bain dans notre suite.

72
00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:15,648
Je me sens sale, ici.

73
00:04:15,731 --> 00:04:19,693
Dr Kelso ? Voici mes parents.

74
00:04:21,487 --> 00:04:25,241
Je suis heureux de rencontrer
les arbres dont nos fruits sont issus.

75
00:04:27,326 --> 00:04:29,620
Je suis le chef de service
de St Augustine.

76
00:04:29,703 --> 00:04:32,456
C'est un hôpital privé de Greenwich.

77
00:04:32,540 --> 00:04:37,628
Je sais ce que vous pensez, vous n'avez
rien demandé. Personne ne demande.

78
00:04:38,337 --> 00:04:40,506
Vous restez combien de temps ?

79
00:04:44,343 --> 00:04:46,887
Je peux vous aider, monsieur ?

80
00:04:48,013 --> 00:04:51,475
Oui, mêle-toi de ce qui te regarde.

81
00:04:52,601 --> 00:04:54,687
Pardon ?

82
00:04:54,770 --> 00:04:56,897
Ah, il est agressif en plus ?

83
00:04:56,981 --> 00:05:00,317
Tu veux vraiment
qu'on se mette dessus, foutriquet ?

84
00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:02,778
Car si c'est le cas, je te garantis

85
00:05:02,862 --> 00:05:06,991
que ce sera la dernière connerie
que tu feras sur cette terre.

86
00:05:08,117 --> 00:05:09,577
Très heureux.

87
00:05:09,660 --> 00:05:12,037
Qu'est-ce qui lui prend ?

88
00:05:13,998 --> 00:05:16,792
Papa. Ne disparais pas comme ça.

89
00:05:18,669 --> 00:05:21,255
Voilà comment on fait une arthrocentèse.

90
00:05:21,338 --> 00:05:24,341
Ton résident aurait dû
te montrer comment faire.

91
00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:28,429
Il plaisante. Même si les résidents
sont censés nous former,

92
00:05:28,512 --> 00:05:30,890
il sait que leurs visites
sont intéressées.

93
00:05:30,973 --> 00:05:35,519
Je dois donner un cours sur le souffle
cardiaque. Tu peux le faire ?

94
00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:36,979
Merci, vieux.

95
00:05:38,898 --> 00:05:43,027
Je suis dégoûté. Je voulais passer
la journée avec mon père, demain.

96
00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:45,029
Emmène-le.

97
00:05:45,112 --> 00:05:47,198
- Comment ça ?
- Tu ne sais pas ?

98
00:05:47,281 --> 00:05:49,742
Procure-toi un véhicule,
un ballon, un tricycle

99
00:05:49,825 --> 00:05:53,704
et transporte ton père
de là où il est jusque là où tu seras.

100
00:05:53,788 --> 00:05:58,292
Mon père n'est pas intéressé
par mon travail. C'est plus un pote.

101
00:05:58,375 --> 00:06:01,378
Bien. J'ai fait une erreur.

102
00:06:01,462 --> 00:06:05,091
J'ai donné l'impression
que je m'intéressais

103
00:06:05,174 --> 00:06:08,302
mais c'est faux ! Mon Dieu !

104
00:06:08,386 --> 00:06:12,431
Le truc, c'est que ce n'est pas un pote
qui me manque, c'est un père.

105
00:06:12,515 --> 00:06:14,475
Il te manque bien quelque chose.

106
00:06:14,558 --> 00:06:17,853
Peut-être des épaules,
ou des testicules.

107
00:06:17,937 --> 00:06:21,524
Ou du moins, un oreiller
que tu trimbalerais dans l'hôpital

108
00:06:21,607 --> 00:06:26,195
et contre lequel tu pourrais pleurer
quand le traumatisme...

109
00:06:26,278 --> 00:06:28,781
J'ai des testicules.

110
00:06:28,864 --> 00:06:30,616
C'est un plaisantin.

111
00:06:32,410 --> 00:06:36,622
Prépare-toi. Je m'en occupe. Ça va
passer comme une lettre à la poste.

112
00:06:36,705 --> 00:06:39,291
Salut, maman. Devine quoi.

113
00:06:39,375 --> 00:06:41,669
Bonjour, Mme Turk.
J'irai droit au but.

114
00:06:41,752 --> 00:06:45,131
Je suis Carla. Désolée
qu'il ne vous ait pas parlé de moi.

115
00:06:45,214 --> 00:06:48,426
J'ignore comment vous l'avez
supporté si longtemps.

116
00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:53,431
Il m'aime beaucoup et moi aussi,
et on est bien ensemble.

117
00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:55,766
- Vous partagez votre lit ?
- Non !

118
00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:57,351
Si, madame.

119
00:06:57,435 --> 00:07:01,731
Mais si vous savez juger les gens,
vous verrez que je suis sérieuse.

120
00:07:01,814 --> 00:07:05,109
- Carla. C'est un joli prénom.
- Merci.

121
00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:08,571
- Oui, maman.
- Dire que tu ne m'as rien dit.

122
00:07:08,654 --> 00:07:11,574
Soyez gentille.
Ne lui cédez pas pendant un mois.

123
00:07:11,657 --> 00:07:14,160
- Entendu.
- Ce n'est pas possible.

124
00:07:14,243 --> 00:07:16,495
Tu ne peux pas réagir comme ça.

125
00:07:17,955 --> 00:07:19,707
Après vous, monsieur.

126
00:07:19,790 --> 00:07:23,836
Ça alors. Je n'ai pas vu de salle
comme ça depuis de le Viêt-nam.

127
00:07:23,919 --> 00:07:27,298
Où était votre unité de la garde
nationale dans le Connecticut ?

128
00:07:27,381 --> 00:07:29,383
- Très drôle.
- C'est ce que je croyais.

129
00:07:29,467 --> 00:07:32,678
Je crois qu'ils s'entendent
super bien, non ?

130
00:07:33,804 --> 00:07:37,099
Je vais vous en coller un
dont vous ne vous relèverez pas.

131
00:07:37,183 --> 00:07:39,560
Allez-y, salopard.

132
00:07:40,144 --> 00:07:44,857
Nous avons un invité aujourd'hui
pour la visite,

133
00:07:44,940 --> 00:07:47,276
alors faites preuve
d'un peu de jugeote.

134
00:07:47,359 --> 00:07:51,739
Commençons par...
Je ne sais pas, Dr Reid.

135
00:07:51,822 --> 00:07:55,493
La cause nutritionnelle d'une
insuffisance cardiaque à haut débit.

136
00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:57,828
Carence en thiamine
et béribéri humide.

137
00:07:57,912 --> 00:08:00,831
C'est ça. Question suivante.

138
00:08:00,915 --> 00:08:02,833
Passons à...

139
00:08:05,377 --> 00:08:07,004
Dr Reid ?

140
00:08:07,088 --> 00:08:09,256
J'ai déjà répondu, monsieur.

141
00:08:09,340 --> 00:08:12,718
- Vous avez fini pour aujourd'hui ?
- Non.

142
00:08:12,802 --> 00:08:15,304
Le mécanisme de la respiration
de Cheyne-Stokes

143
00:08:15,388 --> 00:08:17,431
lors d'un dysfonctionnement systolique.

144
00:08:17,515 --> 00:08:18,766
Personne ne sait ça.

145
00:08:18,849 --> 00:08:21,769
La prolongation du temps de circulation
entre poumons et cerveau

146
00:08:21,852 --> 00:08:24,397
amenuisant la sensibilité
du centre respiratoire

147
00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:27,233
à la pression artérielle partielle
en dioxyde de carbone ?

148
00:08:27,316 --> 00:08:28,651
Oui.

149
00:08:34,865 --> 00:08:37,076
Mon père m'a fait un clin d'œil !

150
00:08:37,159 --> 00:08:40,579
Ça ne peut que dire
"Je t'aime et je suis fier de toi".

151
00:08:40,663 --> 00:08:45,000
Oui ! Les clins d'œil
ne sont pas gratuits chez les Reid.

152
00:08:45,084 --> 00:08:47,461
C'est là que j'ai décidé de me lancer.

153
00:08:47,545 --> 00:08:52,258
Bien sûr que je viendrai à ta leçon sur
le souffle au cœur. J'adore ces trucs.

154
00:08:52,341 --> 00:08:56,011
- Ça me fait plaisir, papa.
- Tout à fait. Je t'en prie.

155
00:08:56,095 --> 00:08:58,472
Mon Dieu, faites qu'il s'arrête.

156
00:09:05,062 --> 00:09:08,649
Comme deux louves qui s'apprêtent
à manger une brebis.

157
00:09:08,733 --> 00:09:12,737
Malheureusement, je suis un homme.

158
00:09:12,820 --> 00:09:15,614
- Turk.
- J'arrive.

159
00:09:19,744 --> 00:09:22,079
John Dorian, approche.

160
00:09:24,373 --> 00:09:27,168
Je t'effraie toujours
après tant d'années ?

161
00:09:27,251 --> 00:09:31,589
À Thanksgiving, j'ai dit que votre dinde
était sèche et vous m'avez brutalisé.

162
00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,841
- Il ne faut pas dire ça.
- Gros bêta.

163
00:09:33,924 --> 00:09:38,971
Laissez-le tranquille. J'en ai assez
de vos conspirations. Ça suffit !

164
00:09:39,055 --> 00:09:42,099
Il est si mignon
quand il se croit autoritaire.

165
00:09:42,183 --> 00:09:45,311
- Oui. Ça me tue.
- Et c'est là que c'est arrivé.

166
00:09:45,394 --> 00:09:49,565
Vous devriez le voir quand je prétends
le laisser... prendre une décision !

167
00:09:51,609 --> 00:09:56,405
C'est là que Carla a réalisé
qu'elle était comme la mère de Turk.

168
00:10:02,203 --> 00:10:04,288
Toutes mes félicitations, Dr Reid.

169
00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:07,416
- Merci.
- Vous avez dû impressionner votre père.

170
00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:11,462
Oui, je crois.
Il vous respecte vraiment, monsieur.

171
00:10:11,545 --> 00:10:13,881
C'est très gentil,
mais heureusement,

172
00:10:13,964 --> 00:10:17,176
mon amour-propre ne dépend pas
de ce genre de balivernes.

173
00:10:17,259 --> 00:10:22,264
Je suis devenu médecin pour moi,
pas pour impressionner qui que ce soit.

174
00:10:22,348 --> 00:10:25,518
J'ai vu des médecins qui n'avaient pas
les bonnes motivations.

175
00:10:25,601 --> 00:10:28,187
- Vous savez ce qui leur arrive ?
- Non.

176
00:10:28,270 --> 00:10:32,149
Ils démissionnent
et deviennent agents immobiliers.

177
00:10:32,233 --> 00:10:35,903
Vous avez l'air troublée.
Il n'y a pas de quoi.

178
00:10:35,986 --> 00:10:38,572
Vous serez super en tailleur doré.

179
00:10:38,656 --> 00:10:40,699
Merci ?

180
00:10:42,535 --> 00:10:44,787
C'est presque trop facile.

181
00:10:47,289 --> 00:10:52,044
Le boulot est super. J'aime
à penser que je vends des rêves.

182
00:10:52,128 --> 00:10:56,715
- Tu vends des fournitures de bureau.
- Je préfère dire des rêves.

183
00:10:56,799 --> 00:11:00,136
Je vais voler une autre gelée.

184
00:11:00,219 --> 00:11:03,347
Les parents sont comme des tornades.

185
00:11:03,431 --> 00:11:07,435
Ils débarquent en ville
et dévastent tout sur leur passage.

186
00:11:08,060 --> 00:11:10,479
Il n'y a rien sur ton plateau.

187
00:11:12,273 --> 00:11:14,316
Mais c'est différent pour moi.

188
00:11:16,110 --> 00:11:18,279
Ça va, Elliot ?

189
00:11:19,947 --> 00:11:25,870
Bien parlé. Enfin, Johnny,
j'ai parlé à mon pote, Jake.

190
00:11:25,953 --> 00:11:28,831
- Tu te souviens de Jake ?
- Non.

191
00:11:28,914 --> 00:11:31,625
C'est mon pote
et il quitte le pays demain

192
00:11:31,709 --> 00:11:34,003
pour Dieu sait combien de temps.
J'ai pensé

193
00:11:34,086 --> 00:11:36,839
partir demain et filer le voir.

194
00:11:36,922 --> 00:11:40,968
Je manquerai ton truc, mais je n'aurais
rien compris de toute façon.

195
00:11:41,052 --> 00:11:43,012
- Non ?
- Si.

196
00:11:43,095 --> 00:11:47,558
Ce qui m'a le plus surpris,
c'est que j'étais surpris.

197
00:11:47,641 --> 00:11:51,562
Tu te parles toujours ?
Je pensais que tu aurais arrêté.

198
00:11:57,735 --> 00:12:00,488
J'aurais peut-être dû
le réveiller et dire au revoir

199
00:12:00,571 --> 00:12:03,032
vu qu'il serait parti
avant que je rentre.

200
00:12:03,115 --> 00:12:06,035
Je me suis dit
que je voulais le laisser dormir,

201
00:12:06,118 --> 00:12:09,121
même si je n'y croyais pas moi-même.

202
00:12:13,375 --> 00:12:17,588
Continue à ronger et personne
ne pourra te mettre la bague au doigt.

203
00:12:17,671 --> 00:12:19,673
Maman...

204
00:12:19,757 --> 00:12:21,717
...je suis une thérapie.

205
00:12:21,801 --> 00:12:26,764
Amy Swanson épouse Drew Gertson.
Drew est un garçon adorable.

206
00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:29,517
Il crachait dans la bouche des gens.

207
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,185
Il ne le fait plus.

208
00:12:31,268 --> 00:12:34,271
Maman, quand j'étais petite,
je voulais être médecin ?

209
00:12:34,355 --> 00:12:37,149
Je me servais d'un stéthoscope
sur ma poupée ?

210
00:12:37,233 --> 00:12:40,694
Ma chérie, il faudrait
demander à la nounou.

211
00:12:40,778 --> 00:12:43,072
N'as-tu jamais atteint
un stade dans ta vie

212
00:12:43,155 --> 00:12:45,783
où tu t'es demandée
comment tu y es arrivée ?

213
00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:48,160
Es-tu en train de me dire
que tu es lesbienne ?

214
00:12:48,244 --> 00:12:49,954
Oui.

215
00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:54,583
C'est exactement
ce que je veux dire, maman.

216
00:12:57,586 --> 00:13:02,466
Tu veux manger un morceau avec nous
après notre exposé ?

217
00:13:02,550 --> 00:13:04,093
Oui, je suis plutôt libre.

218
00:13:04,176 --> 00:13:07,638
Si tu es libre, tu as le temps
de faire ce rapport de sortie.

219
00:13:07,722 --> 00:13:10,599
- Ce soir, je suis libre.
- Super.

220
00:13:10,683 --> 00:13:14,395
Ma mère adore la bouffe cubaine.
Je lui ai dit qu'on irait à ce restau.

221
00:13:14,478 --> 00:13:16,355
Je le déteste.

222
00:13:16,439 --> 00:13:20,234
Tu as dit que tu voulais plonger
dans une cuve de plátanos

223
00:13:20,317 --> 00:13:22,111
et en manger jusqu'à en mourir.

224
00:13:22,194 --> 00:13:25,239
Voilà le problème.
Tu ne me comprends pas.

225
00:13:25,322 --> 00:13:26,782
Je ne discute pas.

226
00:13:30,119 --> 00:13:32,037
Tu as manqué un endroit, là.

227
00:13:32,121 --> 00:13:33,873
Quelle chance, papa.

228
00:13:33,956 --> 00:13:38,002
Je passe ma vie à nettoyer
après les malades.

229
00:13:38,085 --> 00:13:40,588
Donc demain, je serai ici
à la même heure.

230
00:13:40,671 --> 00:13:44,675
Tu sais que je déteste l'insolence
alors fais-m'en vingt.

231
00:13:44,759 --> 00:13:47,511
- Il y a peut-être des matières fécales.
- Alors 30.

232
00:13:47,595 --> 00:13:49,764
D'accord.

233
00:13:49,847 --> 00:13:54,310
Les parents ! Pourquoi nous
démoralisent-ils si facilement ?

234
00:13:54,393 --> 00:13:57,229
Compte plus fort, comme un homme !

235
00:13:59,315 --> 00:14:01,859
Essaie au moins
de te ménager un peu, bizut.

236
00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:05,821
Sinon, tu vas t'épuiser.
Viens.

237
00:14:07,948 --> 00:14:11,118
J'ai entendu ton soupir,
tu as l'air abattu,

238
00:14:11,202 --> 00:14:15,206
et je sais que tu as un problème
dont tu voudrais me parler.

239
00:14:15,289 --> 00:14:20,753
Tu crois que ce serait cathartique
mais détrompe-toi.

240
00:14:20,836 --> 00:14:23,631
Ce que tu dois faire,
c'est ce qu'il y a de plus sain.

241
00:14:23,714 --> 00:14:28,135
Refoule tous tes sentiments,
laisse-les à leur place.

242
00:14:28,219 --> 00:14:30,888
Mon père s'est encore défilé.

243
00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:34,058
Pardon.
Tu n'as pas pris de drogues ?

244
00:14:34,141 --> 00:14:35,518
Quoi ? Non.

245
00:14:35,601 --> 00:14:38,729
Tu t'es fait mordre ?
Souffres-tu de malnutrition ?

246
00:14:38,813 --> 00:14:41,232
J'ai sauté le déjeuner
mais j'ai grignoté.

247
00:14:41,315 --> 00:14:44,485
Tu es un médecin de 26 ans
en pleine santé

248
00:14:44,568 --> 00:14:47,905
qui n'arrête pas de pleurer
parce que son père est horrible.

249
00:14:47,988 --> 00:14:51,075
Il m'a causé
des troubles affectifs...

250
00:14:51,158 --> 00:14:54,787
Tous les parents
causent des troubles affectifs

251
00:14:54,870 --> 00:15:00,209
et à ce qu'il paraît,
c'est l'avantage à être un parent.

252
00:15:00,292 --> 00:15:02,795
Si un jour, un homme
te passe la bague au doigt

253
00:15:02,878 --> 00:15:06,882
et que tu as la chance de pondre
un petit, tu comprendras.

254
00:15:06,966 --> 00:15:10,386
Pour l'instant, fais-moi confiance,
ça me serait égal

255
00:15:10,469 --> 00:15:13,764
si tu avais vu ton père
pour la première fois aujourd'hui.

256
00:15:13,848 --> 00:15:16,976
Car en réalité,

257
00:15:17,059 --> 00:15:19,895
il aurait pu s'en sortir bien plus mal.

258
00:15:23,441 --> 00:15:25,860
Au fait, pour l'exposé,

259
00:15:25,943 --> 00:15:29,864
je peux faire la fin ?
J'adore la fin de la présentation.

260
00:15:29,947 --> 00:15:32,283
Je suis faite pour être médecin ?

261
00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:37,288
Tu peux faire la fin. Je veux juste
dire : "Merci à tous. On a été extra. "

262
00:15:37,371 --> 00:15:40,958
Franchement. Tu penses que
c'est vraiment ce que je veux faire ?

263
00:15:41,041 --> 00:15:43,043
Elliot, je n'en sais rien.

264
00:15:43,127 --> 00:15:45,171
Tu peux me le dire. J'assumerai.

265
00:15:45,254 --> 00:15:48,716
Non, je dis "je n'en sais rien"
car je n'en sais vraiment rien.

266
00:15:48,799 --> 00:15:52,136
Qu'est-ce qui se passe ici ?

267
00:15:52,219 --> 00:15:54,847
Pourquoi les femmes
sont devenues folles ?

268
00:15:56,015 --> 00:15:58,142
Je ne suis pas folle, si ?

269
00:16:00,436 --> 00:16:04,148
Tout va bien, Elliot.
Tu es normale, tu es normale.

270
00:16:04,231 --> 00:16:07,234
- Turk ?
- Il n'est pas là.

271
00:16:09,862 --> 00:16:12,490
J'aime le restaurant cubain.

272
00:16:12,573 --> 00:16:16,243
L'important, c'est qu'on ait traversé
cette épreuve ensemble.

273
00:16:16,327 --> 00:16:19,497
J'ai paniqué car ta mère et moi
nous ressemblons beaucoup.

274
00:16:19,580 --> 00:16:22,124
- Et alors ?
- Je ne sais pas...

275
00:16:22,208 --> 00:16:27,671
Je me dis que tu as craqué pour moi
parce que je suis comme ta mère.

276
00:16:31,258 --> 00:16:34,220
C'est exactement pour ça
que j'ai craqué.

277
00:16:34,303 --> 00:16:37,098
Bon. Une amie viendra
chercher mes affaires.

278
00:16:37,181 --> 00:16:39,767
Attends. Assieds-toi.

279
00:16:39,850 --> 00:16:42,019
Où est le mal à désirer une femme

280
00:16:42,103 --> 00:16:45,898
qui est intelligente,
indépendante et attentionnée ?

281
00:16:49,735 --> 00:16:55,533
Oui. Mais si on se marie,
il faudra en parler à un psychiatre.

282
00:16:55,616 --> 00:16:58,744
Ne t'affole pas.
Je ne fais pas ça avec ma mère.

283
00:16:59,995 --> 00:17:01,956
J'espère que non.

284
00:17:03,666 --> 00:17:06,794
- Oh, oui, maman.
- Ça ne va pas du tout.

285
00:17:10,005 --> 00:17:14,468
Cox avait tort. J'avais tous les droits
d'en vouloir à mon père.

286
00:17:14,552 --> 00:17:16,971
Alors, comment ça se passe ?

287
00:17:17,054 --> 00:17:22,893
Ce n'est pas trop le moment. Je tiens
une aiguille, je dois me concentrer.

288
00:17:22,977 --> 00:17:27,773
Je me suis mis à considérer
mon père comme un homme

289
00:17:27,857 --> 00:17:32,069
et j'ai réalisé des choses
que j'avais toujours sues.

290
00:17:32,153 --> 00:17:36,157
Peut-être qu'il ne couchait pas sur
mon canapé parce qu'il voulait me voir

291
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:38,951
mais parce qu'il ne pouvait pas
se payer l'hôtel.

292
00:17:39,034 --> 00:17:42,163
Peut-être qu'il n'allait pas
voir Jake parce qu'il partait,

293
00:17:42,246 --> 00:17:46,000
mais parce que Jake
était un client potentiel

294
00:17:46,083 --> 00:17:48,419
et qu'il doit vraiment faire une vente.

295
00:17:48,502 --> 00:17:52,590
Peut-être que c'est un homme seul,
qui a du mal à joindre les deux bouts

296
00:17:52,673 --> 00:17:56,469
et que ce serait sympa
de le laisser tranquille.

297
00:17:57,928 --> 00:18:02,433
Te voilà. Je croyais que tu devais
travailler toute la journée.

298
00:18:02,516 --> 00:18:04,810
Oui, mais je me suis fait remplacer.

299
00:18:04,894 --> 00:18:07,730
Je voulais te voir pour te dire

300
00:18:07,813 --> 00:18:09,565
que c'était sympa de te voir.

301
00:18:09,648 --> 00:18:12,151
- C'est vrai ?
- Oui.

302
00:18:15,279 --> 00:18:20,242
Écoute, tu sais, je voyage
pas mal ces jours-ci donc...

303
00:18:20,326 --> 00:18:24,205
...je suis sûr que je reviendrai
bientôt dans le coin.

304
00:18:24,288 --> 00:18:28,250
Je pourrais passer te voir.

305
00:18:28,334 --> 00:18:30,878
- Ce serait super.
- Super.

306
00:18:30,961 --> 00:18:34,507
- Super.
- Je serai content de te voir.

307
00:18:34,590 --> 00:18:35,925
Ça peut se faire.

308
00:18:36,008 --> 00:18:39,136
Tu as abusé
de la non réglementation des pets.

309
00:18:39,804 --> 00:18:41,055
Tire mon doigt.

310
00:18:41,138 --> 00:18:44,683
- Je ne vais pas tirer ton doigt.
- On verra ce qui se passe.

311
00:18:45,935 --> 00:18:48,062
J'ai fait caca.

312
00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:52,024
- Dr Kelso.
- La petite fille à son papa.

313
00:18:52,108 --> 00:18:54,235
Je veux vous dire ce qui m'est arrivé.

314
00:18:54,318 --> 00:18:59,698
Je vais continuer de manger ma soupe
mais sachez que je retiens mon souffle.

315
00:18:59,782 --> 00:19:03,452
D'abord, j'ai déclaré
ma tendance à ma mère.

316
00:19:03,536 --> 00:19:07,665
Les gars en radiologie
me doivent pas mal d'argent.

317
00:19:07,748 --> 00:19:09,417
Mais cet après-midi...

318
00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:12,336
... un patient m'a vomi dessus.

319
00:19:12,420 --> 00:19:15,089
Et j'ai souri.

320
00:19:15,172 --> 00:19:19,009
Vous savez pourquoi j'ai souri ?
Car j'aime ce que je fais.

321
00:19:19,093 --> 00:19:21,804
Mes motivations
n'étaient pas les bonnes.

322
00:19:21,887 --> 00:19:24,974
Mais je suis là, et je ne veux être
nulle part ailleurs.

323
00:19:25,057 --> 00:19:27,727
Je n'aime toujours pas votre père.

324
00:19:27,810 --> 00:19:29,937
Moi non plus, monsieur.

325
00:19:30,020 --> 00:19:33,315
Oh. Ils n'en avaient plus.

326
00:19:35,192 --> 00:19:37,403
Le placement
de l'endoprothèse vasculaire

327
00:19:37,486 --> 00:19:40,030
dans les résultats hémodynamiques
du facteur XI est inadéquat.

328
00:19:40,114 --> 00:19:43,159
Ou le placement de l'endoprothèse
vasculaire au moment initial...

329
00:19:43,242 --> 00:19:46,704
On fait peut-être l'erreur de penser
que nos parents changeront.

330
00:19:46,787 --> 00:19:50,166
Ils ont peut-être mieux réussi
notre éducation qu'on ne le croit.

331
00:19:50,249 --> 00:19:54,044
Il y a peut-être des valeurs cachées
dans ce qu'ils nous ont transmis.

332
00:19:54,128 --> 00:19:58,466
Comme une passion
qu'on n'avait jamais soupçonnée.

333
00:19:58,549 --> 00:20:02,303
Ou une aptitude à s'entourer
de gens qu'on aime.

334
00:20:02,386 --> 00:20:06,474
...placement ultérieur de l'endoprothèse
vasculaire. En conclusion,

335
00:20:06,557 --> 00:20:09,060
la différence entre les deux stratégies

336
00:20:09,143 --> 00:20:13,439
est insignifiante que ce soit
à court terme ou à long terme.

337
00:20:13,522 --> 00:20:16,317
Merci à tous, on a été extra.

338
00:20:28,871 --> 00:20:31,624
Et "Z", c'est pour les "Zzzzz"
que vous ferez

339
00:20:31,707 --> 00:20:35,002
car vous connaissez
le souffle au cœur de A à Z.

340
00:20:40,758 --> 00:20:44,470
- Qu'est-ce que vous faites là ?
- Je voulais venir t'écouter.

341
00:20:44,553 --> 00:20:47,056
Pour voir comment tu t'en sors.

342
00:20:47,139 --> 00:20:50,810
D'ailleurs, c'était atroce.
Vraiment catastrophique.

343
00:20:50,893 --> 00:20:54,814
Vous avez entendu la partie de A à K ?
J'ai dit un truc cool.

344
00:20:54,897 --> 00:20:57,900
Je suis arrivé à P,
comme "Pourquoi, mon Dieu ?"

345
00:20:59,443 --> 00:21:04,115
C'est l'hôpital le plus déplorable
et le plus sale

346
00:21:04,198 --> 00:21:06,409
que j'aie vu de ma vie.

347
00:21:06,492 --> 00:21:10,663
Dans ce cas, papa, ne te sens pas
obligé de passer tous les jours.

348
00:21:10,746 --> 00:21:12,790
Au revoir, fiston.

349
00:21:14,125 --> 00:21:16,293
À demain.

350
00:21:19,755 --> 00:21:23,384
- Les parents, hein ?
- Ne m'en parlez pas.

351
00:21:23,467 --> 00:21:25,678
Oui.
Quoi, tu te fous de mon père ?

352
00:21:25,803 --> 00:21:27,888
Tu as dépassé les bornes, mon vieux.

353
00:21:27,972 --> 00:21:30,307
Ça me manquait.

Open: Hospital - Admissions Area - Day

J.D. is watching Turk and Elliot, whose faces are fallen. Carla is with them.

J.D.'s Narration: So, here’s the deal: A month ago, Turk and Elliot wrote a paper on peripheral vascular disease. And now they’re upset because they have to present it at a big medical conference.

J.D.: Do you know how many interns would die to do something like that? Not me, ‘cause I don’t really care about that stuff. Besides, I know in my heart my paper was, like, a trillion times better. And anyway, it’s so political -- I mean, surprise, surprise, they went with the black guy and the girl!

Carla: Bambi.

J.D.: What!?

Carla: Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

J.D.: Come on, what right do they have to be so damn mopey?

J.D.'s Narration: And that’s when Elliot said something that explained everything.

Elliot: Our parents are coming.

J.D.: Oh, I am so sorry.

He gives them a comforting hug.

 

J.D.'s Narration: I could tell my friends were pretty upset. Still, there was a bright side....

J.D.: It’s all right.

Cut to...

Turk and J.D.’s Apartment

Turk is vacuuming while J.D. sits on the couch eating a snack.

J.D.'s Narration: ...I knew I could make it worse.

J.D.: You missed a spot!

Turk: You know, you can help. You can't even hear the television!

J.D.: I like the pictures.

(Turk vacuums Rowdy.)

J.D. Narration: If I believed in karma, I might be a little more cautious about giving these guys a hard time...


(J.D. sits at the counter talking on the phone.)

J.D.: Hey, Dad. No, no, nothing. Turk and Elliot are freaking out because their parents are coming to visit.

J.D. Narration: But karma doesn't scare me!

J.D.: No, no, no, no, it hasn't been that long since you and I saw each other.



(The doorbell chimes as J.D. opens the door to reveal his father who is carrying a couple of suitcases.)

J.D.: Dad...

Turk: Hey, Mr. Dorian!

Mr. Dorian: Hey, boys. What's shakin'? Who needs a beer?

Turk: Who doesn't?

(Mr. Dorian moves to the fridge and helps himself. Turk goes over to J.D. and shows him his open palm.)

Turk: See, J.D., this is what goes around. And this? (shows other hand) Is what comes around.

Mr. Dorian: Only two left!

(J.D. reaches for one but Mr. Dorian gives it to Chris.)

Turk: That's okay. J.D.'ll go out.

Mr. Dorian: Oh, get some chips!

(Credits.)

(Later, J.D. is sitting in the chair and Chris is on the sofa drinking his beer. Mr. Dorian comes in and bends over, checking out Rowdy.)

Mr. Dorian: Wowzer! Rowdy's a boy dog.

(He pets him and sits down. Mr. Dorian pops his beer in the dog's mouth and gets the cap off.)

J.D. Narration: My mom and dad got divorced when I was seven. I know that's not so unusual but even though everyone's relationship with their father seems different, mine always seemed *very* different.

(The boys watch the TV where a couple of women are jogging.)

Mr. Dorian: God, I'd like to take a run at her. Would you take a look at her rack?

J.D.: Dad, please!

Mr. Dorian: I'm sorry, Johnny. I'm just a man. And you know what they say about men.

Turk: They love the boobies.

Mr. Dorian: That is correct, Christopher.

(They take a drink.)

J.D.: Okay, you know, I think I'm going to hit the sack before I get even more uncomfortable.

Mr. Dorian: You know, your mother had a beautiful bosom.

J.D.: There it is!

(He gets up.)

Mr. Dorian: Sit, would you? Stay. We've got a lot of catching up to do. Please. Do you guys have a policy on farting?

Turk: No, let 'er rip.

Mr. Dorian: Fire in the hole!

(He farts.)

J.D.: Oh, my God! Dad!

Turk: Count it!

(Turk clinks his bottle with Mr. Dorian.)

J.D.: That was a nice moment.



(Hospital. J.D. walks in to see Elliot give a tour of the hospital with her two elegant parents.)

J.D. Narration: I guess everyone's parents drive them crazy.

Elliot: So, this is my hospital.

Dr. Reid: It's... stunning.

Mrs. Reid: Honey, is there a rule against looking pretty here?

Elliot: Uh, nothing official.

(J.D. looks over at Turk and his mom.)

Ms. Turk: I just think you would look so much more handsome in blue scrubs.

Turk: Thank you, Mommy, but I really like my green scrubs better.

Ms. Turk: Mmm-hmmm.

J.D. Narration: Parents have a way of making their children regress.

(An eight year old Turk stands in his now oversized green scrubs.)

Young Turk: I don't wanna wear blue scrubs!

Ms. Turk: C'mon, boy, you better watch your manners! Come on now!

(An eight year old Elliot, in her scrubs, is on the floor kicking and punching the ground.)

Young Elliot: Wahhhhhh!

Mrs. Reid: No, you can't have one, sweetheart! Perms are for trailer trash!

(J.D. snaps out of it when Dr. Cox enters.)

Dr. Cox: What in the hell is this? Parents weekend?

J.D.: Well, sort of. Elliot and Turk wrote this paper and then my dad decided "I want to come, too!"--

Dr. Cox: Look, Reba, if I ask you a question that doesn't specifically deal with a medical issue, you can bet your powdered bottom that I don't want you to answer. Do you understand?

J.D.: Yeah...

Dr. Cox: It's like... working with a monkey!

(He walks away. J.D. makes a monkey face.)

J.D.: Ooo! Ooo!

Dr. Cox: (o.s.) What?

J.D.: Nothing.



(Turk, wearing blue scrubs, talks to Carla at the nurse's station.)

Carla: Why didn't you introduce me to your mother this morning?

Turk: Because she just came by to say hey before she checked into her hotel. Besides, she's coming back later on to look around.

Carla: Okay. I was worried that you thought she might not like me.

Turk: She's not going to like you. Baby, look, my mother's never actually called any girl I've been with by her actual name. Hell, she called my college girlfriend "The Big Easy".

Carla: Well, was she fat and slutty?

Turk: She had beautiful skin. Don't smile, woman. She did. Just beautiful.



(Elliot and her parents walk through the hospital.)

Elliot: So, what do you guys think?

Mrs. Reid: Well, I think it's time to get back to the suite and get me into a bath. This place makes me feel dirty.

(Dr. Kelso walks by.)

Elliot: Dr. Kelso, Dr. Kelso! Uh, these are my parents.

Dr. Kelso: Ah, well, it's always a pleasure to meet the trees from which our little acorns fall. Bob Kelso.

Dr. Reid: Simon Reid. I'm Chief of Medicine at St. Augustine's. It's a private hospital in Greenwhich.

Mrs. Reid: I know what you're thinking. You didn't ask. Nobody ever does.

Elliot: So, uh, how long are you guys staying?



(J.D. sees an older man looking at the signs in the hospital for each ward.)

J.D.: Can I help you, sir? Sir?

Man: You can help me by minding your own damn business!

J.D.: Excuse me?

Man: Oh, aggressive, huh? Do you really want to get it on with me, Pipsqueak? Because if you do, I guarantee it'll be the last stupid thing you ever do on God's green earth.

J.D.: Nice meeting you.

J.D. Thoughts: What the hell was that about?

(J.D. runs away when the elevator dings and the Janitor walks out.)

Janitor: Dad! Don't wander off like that.



(Patient room. Cox leans over the patient in bed.)

Dr. Cox: This is your basic arthrocentesis, there, Newbie. Your resident should've showed you how to do this a long time ago.

J.D.'s Thoughts: He can't be that mad. We both know that even though residents are supposed to teach you, they really only show up when they want something.

(The resident pops up beside him.)

Dr. Steadman: Hey, I have to give the med students a lecture on heart murmurs tomorrow. Could you cover for me?

J.D.: Actually, I--

Dr. Steadman: Thanks, man.

(Poof, he disappears in a puff of smoke. J.D. coughs and waves the smoke away.)

J.D.: That sucks. I totally wanted to spend some time with my dad tomorrow.

Dr. Cox: Then take him?

J.D.: What do you mean?

Dr. Cox: Uh, I don't know, secure a vehicle of some kind -- car, balloon, tricycle -- and transport your father from wherever he is to where you're going to be.

J.D.: I don't--I don't think you really get my dad. He's not really interested in my work. He's more like a buddy.

Dr. Cox: Ohhh-kay, that was my mistake. Here I engaged you and gave you the impression that I actually care which is just so wrong! God!

J.D.: The thing is, I don't really need a buddy. What I need is a father.

Dr. Cox: Well, you definitely need something. Um, maybe a backbone, or perhaps some testicles. At the very least, a pillow that you could carry around the hospital and just cry your sad eyes out into whenever drama occures.

(He walks out. J.D. looks at the patient.)

J.D.: I have testicles.

(The patient nods.)

J.D.: He's--he's a kidder! Heh.



(In the hospital lobby, Turk, who is still wearing his blue scrubs, gives some instructions to Carla as his mother walks in.)

Turk: All right, this is it. You just brace yourself and let me handle this all nice and smooth like. All right? Hey, Mom! Guess what?

Carla: Hi, Mrs. Turk. I'm gonna cut right to the chase. I'm Carla, and I apologize if your son hasn't told you about me yet. Honestly, I don't know how you put up with him as long as you did. Still, you should know he loves me very much, I feel the same way, and we're really, really good together.

Mrs. Turk: Are you two sharing a bed?

Turk: Noooo!

Carla: Yes, ma'am, we are, but if you're a good judge of character, I think you can tell, I'm not messing around.

Mrs. Turk: Carla. That's a nice name.

Carla: Thank you.

Turk: Listen, it is, Mother-- Mrs. Turk: Oh, please! Not telling me about her. (to Carla) Dear, do me a favor. Don't give him any for a month or so.

Carla: Done!

Turk: No, it can't go down like that! It just can't go down like that!



(Dr. Kelso escorts Dr. Reid into rounds.)

Dr. Kelso: After you, sir.

Dr. Reid: Well, I'll be. I haven't seen a ward like this since Vietnam.

Dr. Kelso: So where in Connecticut was your National Guard unit stationed?

Dr. Reid: Amusing.

Dr. Kelso: I thought so.

Elliot: I think they're totally getting along, don't you?

(J.D. looks intently.)

(Fantasy sequence -- Dr. Kelso and Dr. Reid are wearing boxing outfits and boxing gloves, circling each other.)

Dr. Reid: I'm about to open a big fat can of whoop ass on you!

Dr. Kelso: Bring it on, bitch!

(Ding! Fantasy over, Dr. Kelso comes over to them.)

Dr. Kelso: All right, sports fans! We have a guest today at rounds so let's try and be sharp. Why don't we begin with, uh... I don't know... Dr. Reid! What is the nutritional cause of high output cardiac failure?

Elliot: Wet beriberi from thiamine deficiency?

Dr. Kelso: (disappointed) Yes, it is. Next question. Why don't we try, um... Dr. Reid!

Elliot: Um, I already went, sir.

Dr. Kelso: Oh, are you done for the day?

Elliot: No.

Dr. Kelso: What is the mechanism of cheyne-stokes respiration in systolic dysfunction?

J.D.'s Thoughts: What? Nobody knows that.

Elliot: Prolongation of circulation time from the lung to the brain, causing diminished sensitivity of the respiratorcenter to arterial partial pressure of carbon dioxide?

Dr. Kelso: (disappointed) Yes.

(Elliot looks over at her father. He winks at her.)



(Elliot and J.D. walk down the hall together.)

Elliot: (laughs) Can you believe my dad winked at me?

J.D.: If that's not saying, "I love you and I'm proud of you," I'm not really sure what is.

Elliot: I know! Lemme tell ya, there are no gratuitous winks in the Reid household. It's like...

(She keeps walking and babbling. J.D. stops at a payphone and picks up the phone.)

J.D.'s Narration: And that's when I decided to take a chance.

(Cut to Mr. Dorian sitting on J.D.'s couch, talking on the phone.)

Mr. Dorian: Are you kidding? I'd love to come to your heart murmur lecture! I'm a big fan of those things!

(Back to J.D. in the hallway.)

J.D.: That means a lot, Dad.

Mr. Dorian: Yeah, absolutely.

(Dr. Cox passes by J.D. He gives Dr. Cox a big thumbs up.)

Dr. Cox: Oh, dear Lord, please make it stop.



(Doctor's lounge. Ms. Turk and Carla sit on the couch together, chatting. J.D. and Turk stand to the side.)

Carla: It's absolutely stunning.

Ms. Turk: Thank you. And I understand you make them.

Carla: Yes, I make them. I'd be happy to make...

Turk: Look at them. Like two wolves gabbing about which sheep to eat. Unfortunately for them, I'm a man.

Carla: Turk!

Turk: Coming!

(He gives them the two coffees he was holding.)

Carla: Thank you.

J.D.: Hi, Ms. Turk.

Ms. Turk: John Dorian, get over here.

J.D.: Well, uhh, umm...

(He awkwardly stands across the way next to Turk.)

Ms. Turk: After all these years, are you still afraid of me?

J.D.: Well, remember on Thanksgiving when I said your turkey was dry and you picked me up and shook me?

Ms. Turk: Well, then, don't say that.

Carla: Silly Bambi.

Turk: Okay, you guys, leave him alone. And I've had enough of you two conspiring and whatnot. It ends now!

Ms. Turk: (giggles) It is so cute when he thinks he's in charge.

Carla: I know! It kills me!

J.D. Narration: And that's when it happened.

Carla: You should see him prance around when I pretend to let him--

Both: Make a decision!

(They both cackle with laughter, throwing their head back and raising one hand in the air. Freeze frame.)

J.D. Narration: That's when Carla realized she was exactly like Turk's mom.

(Carla looks horrified as she puts her hand back down.)



(Elliot is walking down the hall and goes past the nurse's station, where Dr. Kelso writes in a chart.)

Dr. Kelso: Great job at rounds today, Dr. Reid.

Elliot: Thank you, sir!

Dr. Kelso: Your dad must have been very impressed.

Elliot: I think so. I could tell that he really respected you, sir.

Dr. Kelso: Well, that's very nice, but lucky for me, my self-esteem isn't tied up in that kind of poppycock. You see, I didn't become a doctor to impress my daddy, or anyone else. I did it for me. I've seen lots of doctors who got into this for the wrong reasons. You know what happens to them?

Elliot: No...

Dr. Kelso: They quit and get their real estate license. You look upset, sweetheart. You shouldn't be. I think you'd look super in a gold blazer.

Elliot: Thank you?

(He walks away, smiling.)

Dr. Kelso: This is almost too easy.



(In the cafeteria, Mr. Dorian finishes his plate of Jell-o, sitting across from J.D.)

Mr. Dorian: Work is great, Johnny. I like to believe that I'm selling dreams.

J.D.: But Dad, you sell office supplies.

Mr. Dorian: Yeah, I prefer to call them dreams. I'm gonna-I'm gonna steal another Jell-o.

(He gets up and leaves.)

J.D. Narration: I always thought parents were like tornadoes.

(Carla and Turk sit at a nearby table, Carla looking upset.)

J.D. Narration: They blow into town and devastate everything in their path.

(A numb Elliot sits down next to J.D. and puts her tray down on the table.)

Elliot: Hi...

J.D.: There's no food on your tray.

Elliot: Oh.

J.D. Narration: But it's different for me.

(Mr. Dorian sits down and slips a chunk of Jell-o he stole with his bare hand onto his plate.)

Mr. Dorian: How you doin', Elliot?

(She stares straight ahead, tears in her eyes.)

Mr. Dorian: Great talk. Uh, anyway, Johnny, I was talking to my buddy Jake this afternoon. You remember my buddy Jake?

J.D.: No.

Mr. Dorian: Well, anwyay, Jake's my buddy and he's leaving the country for who knows how long so I thought I might get out of here tomorrow afternoon and go catch up with him which would mean I'd miss your thing but I wouldn't know what I was hearing anyway. (laughs) Right?

J.D.: (laughs) Right!

J.D. Narration: I think what surprised me the most was that I was actually surprised.

Mr. Dorian: You still talking to yourself? I thought you'd outgrow that by now.

(Commercials.)

(In the morning, J.D. comes out of his room and sees his dad on the couch snoring loudly. He tiptoes over and gets his bag.)

J.D. Narration: I probably should have woken him up to say good-bye, considering he'd be gone before I got home. I told myself I wanted to let the old guy get some sleep but even I didn't believe that.



(Elliot and her mom have coffee at an outdoor cafe. Elliot chews her nails nervously.)

Mrs. Reid: Honey, you keep eating that, there won't be anything left for a man to put a ring on.

Elliot: Mom, I started therapy.

Mrs. Reid: Did you know that Amy Swanson married Drew Gertson? Drew is such a nice boy.

Elliot: Drew used to hold people down and spit into their mouths.

Mrs. Reid: He doesn't do that anymore.

Elliot: Mom, when I was a little girl, did I used to want to be a doctor? Maybe I used a toy stethoscope on one of my dolls?

Mrs. Reid: Oh, honey. You'd have to ask the nanny.

Elliot: Have you ever reached a point in your life when you just really wished you knew how you got there?

Mrs. Reid: Are you trying to tell me you're a lesbian?

Elliot: (gives up) Yes, I am. Yup. Exactly. Exactly what I'm saying, Mom.



(J.D. walks up to Turk and Carla in the hospital.)

Turk: Yo, J.D., you wanna grab a bite with us tonight after Elliot and I do our presentation?

J.D.: Yeah, I'm not that busy.

(Dr. Steadman pops up beside him.)

Dr. Steadman: Well, if you're not that busy, then you have time to do this discharge summary for me.

J.D.: I meant that later I'm not that busy--

Dr. Steadman: Fantastic!

(He disappears.)

J.D.: Arrrrgh!

(He leaves.)

Turk: So I told my mom how much you liked that Cuban restaurant downtown and she loves cuban food, so--

Carla: I hate that restaurant!

Turk: Wow. So I must have really misunderstood when you said that you loved that place and you wanted to be buried in a vat of their plantains so you could eat you way out.

Carla: See? That's our problem. You don't get me!

Turk: No argument there!



(J.D. spots the janitor and the old man he ran into earlier. The Janitor mops.)

Janitor's father: Hey, hey, hey, hey! You missed a spot right there!

Janitor: You know, lucky for me, Dad, I spend my life making a big circle around this place cleaning up after sick people so tomorrow I'll probably be here around the same time.

Janitor's father: You know that I hate sass! So just drop right down and give me twenty.

Janitor: Dad, that could be fecal matter.

Janitor's father: Make it thirty!

Janitor: Fine.

(He gets down and starts to do push-ups.)

Janitor: One...

J.D. Narration: What is with parents anyway? Why is it so easy for them to make us feel bad?

Janitor: Three...

Janitor's father: Sound off like you've got a pair!

Janitor: Dad, I don't gotta put up with this--

(Dr. Cox comes behind J.D.)

Dr. Cox: Now, you've got to at least try and pace yourself, Newbie, otherwise sure as shootin' you're going to burn out. (snaps fingers) Come.

(They walk together. J.D. sighs.)

Dr. Cox: Oh, I heard the sad sigh, I see your shoulders are slumped, and I'm aware that you have some whiny-ass problem that you want to talk to me about because you probably think it'd be cathartic to get it the hell off your chest but believe me it won't be. What you've got to do, for me, is the healthy thing. Keep all of your feelings bottled up inside where they *so* belong!

J.D.: My dad flaked on me again.

Dr. Cox: I'm sorry, um, you're not on drugs, are you?

J.D.: What? No!

Dr. Cox: Are you in jail? Have you been beaten? Are you malnourished?

J.D.: I skipped lunch but I've been snacking all day.

Dr. Cox: You are, in fact, a perfectly healthy twenty-six-year-old doctor who keeps crying about how horrible his father was.

J.D.: Well, he did some considerable emotional damage, so...

Dr. Cox: Every one of our parents does some considerable emotional damage and from what I've heard it just might be the best part of being a parent. Now, if some guy ever does put a ring on your finger and you're lucky enough to pop out a youngster, I'm sure you'll understand but for now trust me when I tell you that I wouldn't care if today was the first time you ever met your daddy. Because in reality, well, he could have done a much, much worse job. Okay?



(Doctor's lounge. Elliot and Turk sit at a table, papers scattered in front of them.)

Turk: All right, Elliot, at the presentation I was wondering, can I do the ending? Because I really love the ending of our paper.

Elliot: Do you think I'm cut out to be a doctor?

Turk: Okay, fine, you can do the ending. I just want to say, "Thanks, folks! We've been great!"

Elliot: I'm serious. Do you think this is what I really want to do?

Turk: Elliot, I don't know.

Elliot: You can tell me. I can take it.

Turk: No, Elliot, I'm saying I don't know because I really don't know. What the hell is going on here? Why have all women gone crazy?

(He walks out.)

Elliot: (talking to herself) I'm not crazy, am I? No, shhh, it's okay.

(A doctor walks in and then walks out when he hears Elliot.)

Elliot: It's okay, Elliot, you're normal...



(On-call room. Turk is spread out on the bed when Carla comes in and flicks on the light.)

Carla: Turk?

Turk: He's not here.

Carla: Turk. I do like that Cuban restaurant.

Turk: Well, I think the important thing is we got through this together.

Carla: I just freaked out because your mom and I have so much in common.

Turk: So?

Carla: I don't know, I got this crazy idea that you only fell for me because I'm just like your mom.

Turk: Aw, baby...

(He kisses her. She smiles.)

Turk: That's *exactly* why I fell for you.

Carla: (gets up) Okay, I'll probably just have a friend pick up my stuff...

Turk: No, wait, sit down. What's wrong with wanting to be with someone because they're smart and independent and always looking out for you? Okay?

Carla: Yeah.

Turk: Okay.

Carla: But if we ever get married, we're gonna have to talk about this in therapy.

Turk: Relax. I don't do this with my mama.

(He kisses her.)

Carla: I hope not.

(She leans back and turns off the lights.)

Turk: Oh, yeah, mama!

Carla: Oh, that's just wrong.

Turk: Oh, mama!



(J.D. leans over a patient and tries to insert a large needle into his knee.)

J.D. Narration: Part of me thought Cox was wrong and I had every reason to be angry with my father.

(The tinkly tinkly music screeches to a stop.)

Patient: So... how's it going down there?

J.D.: If it's okay with you, we just won't talk right now. Got a needle. Need to focus.

(The tinkly tinkly music starts up again.)

J.D. Narration: But then I stopped thinking of my dad as a father, and started thinking of him as a man. And I realized some things that deep down I probably always knew. Like, maybe he wasn't crashing on my couch to spend more quality time with me but because he couldn't afford a hotel room.

(J.D. walks down the hall.)

J.D. Narration: And maybe he wasn't going to see his buddy Jake to catch up, but because Jake was someone he might be able to sell something to and he really needs a sale.



(At J.D.'s apartment, Mr. Dorian sits on the bed by himself.)

J.D. Narration: And maybe the truth is, he's just a middle-aged lonely guy trying to get by and it sure would be nice if someone would give him a break once and a while.

(J.D. walks in.)

J.D.: Hey, Dad.

Mr. Dorian: Hey, there he is! I thought you had to work all day.

J.D.: You know, I did, but I got someone to cover for me because I wanted to make sure I caught you and let you know how cool it was to see you.

Mr. Dorian: Really?

J.D.: Yeah.

Mr. Dorian: Well... (clears throat) Well, listen, I, um, you know, I have to travel a lot lately so I'm sure I'll be back in this region again soon. I could swing back out to see you.

J.D.: That would be really great.

Mr. Dorian: Great.

J.D.: Great.

Mr. Dorian: Great. I'd be happy to see you.

J.D.: I see you've been taking advantage of the farting policy.

Mr. Dorian: Hey, pull my finger!

J.D.: I'm not gonna pull your finger!

Mr. Dorian: Pull my finger, see what happens.

(J.D. does so.)

Mr. Dorian: I pooed a little.



(In the cafeteria at the hospital, Dr. Kelso eats his soup at a table alone. Elliot walks up with her own bowl of soup on her tray.)

Elliot: Dr. Kelso.

Dr. Kelso: Well, if it isn't daddy's little girl.

Elliot: Dr. Kelso, I just wanted to tell you what happened to me this afternoon.

Dr. Kelso: I'm going to go right ahead and keep eating my soup but you rest assured I'm holding my breath on the inside.

Elliot: First, I came out to my mother.

Dr. Kelso: Well, then it appears the boys down in radiology owe me quite a bit of money.

Elliot: But this afternoon...

(Flashback. Elliot leans forward and tries to take a patient's temperature. The patient leans forward and pukes on her.)

Elliot: (voice over) A patient puked on me... and I smiled.

(Elliot stands up and grins.)

(Back to the cafeteria. Elliot sits down across from Kelso.)

Elliot: You know why I was smiling? Because I really like what I do. I mean, you were right, I got into this for all the wrong reasons but I lucked out because now that I'm here, I can't imagine being anywhere else.

Dr. Kelso: I still don't like your father!

Elliot: Oh, me neither, sir.

(She reaches across and takes some crackers from his tray, crumbling them into her soup.)

Elliot: Oh, they were all out.



(Elliot and Turk's presentation. They're both dressed up and standing before the microphone. Elliot's parents, Ms. Turk, Carla and J.D. are among the spectators.)

Elliot: Placement of an iliac stent when hemodynamic results of PTA are inadequate or primary stent placement at the initial time of PTA...

J.D. Narration: Maybe the mistake we make is thinking our parents will change.

(Mrs. Reid, from the audience, gestures to her hair and mouths "Fix your hair" to Elliot.)

J.D. Narration: And maybe they did a better job than we give them credit for.

(Elliot wipes the hair out of her face and continues.)

J.D. Narration: And maybe there, amid all the crap they dumped on us, are some things worth keeping. Like a passion for something you never knew you had. Or the ability to constantly surround yourself with people who love you.

(Turk waves to his girls. Ms. Turk and Carla wave back, both smiling.)

Elliot: In conclusion, the difference in the outcome between the two strategies was not significant in either short-term or long-term prognosis.

Turk: Thank you very much, folks. We've been great.

(Everyone claps. J.D. stands up and tries to get a wave going, but no one else participates.)



(Hospital. J.D. is finishing up his lecture to a group of med students.)

J.D.: And "Z" is for the Zs you'll be getting, now that you know heart murmurs from "A" to "Z."

(They all leave. He turns around and sees Dr. Cox who has been listening in.)

J.D.: What are you doing here?

Dr. Cox: Yeah, I just figured I'd come down and check it out. You know, see how you were doing. And for the record, that was atrocious. I mean, downright abysmal.

J.D.: I know, but did you see "A" through "K"? 'Cause I did a really cool thing with "A" through "K."

Dr. Cox: Actually, I showed up at "Y." As in, "Why, dear God, why?!"



(At the lobby of the hospital, the Janitor and his father prepare to say their good-byes. J.D. is in the background.)

Janitor's father: You know, this has got to be the most piss-poor sorry excuse for a hospital that I have ever set foot in.

Janitor: Well, Dad, in that case, feel free to not stop by every day that you're in town.

Janitor's father: Good-bye, son.

(He hugs him.)

Janitor's father: See you tomorrow.

Janitor: Yup.

(He leaves.)

Janitor: Heh, heh. Parents, huh?

J.D.: Tell me about it.

Janitor: Yeah, what's that, a shot at my dad? That's stepping over the line, pal.

J.D.: (gestures back and forth) I missed this.