A Patient's Room
Elliot stands by a mentally handicapped patient, Jerry Donovan, alias J.D.
Elliot: Can I trade clipboards with you?
Jerry shakes his head no.
Elliot: Okay fine... but mine's better ...
Jerry re-considers the offer.
Jerry: You wanna trade?
Elliot: [relenting] I guess.
They swap clipboards. J.D. enters.
J.D.: Elliot, have you seen my clipboard?
Elliot: [quickly] No. Nope. Oh, this'll be fun. J.D., I would like you to meet, J.D.
J.D.: How's it going, man?
Jerry: [to Elliot] Make him leave.
J.D.: Are you bummed out that we have the same name?
Jerry nods.
J.D.: Oh, don't--don't worry about it, man; I'll tell you what -- you're a little bit older than I am, so you were J.D. first. So how about you'll be J.D. Number One, and I'll just be J.D. Number Two. How about that?
Jerry: [tentatively] Hey Number Two.
J.D.: Hey Number One. [to Elliot] So, uh, I've got one more patient, do you want to have lunch in ten minutes and you can bring my clipboard?
Elliot: Yeah.
J.D.: Okay.
Jerry: Hey, Number Two!
J.D.: Number One!
They high-five.
J.D.: All right, cool.
Jerry: Hey, Number Two!
J.D.: [waving as he leaves] Number One!
Hallway
J.D. strides down the hall, smiling to himself.
J.D.'s Narration: I honestly think the best part about working here is the patients. When they see how much you care, they're always grateful.
Mr. Simon's Room
J.D. enters the room of an older patient, Mr. Simon. Carla stands beside his bed, examining a clipboard.
Mr. Simon: About time. Idiot.
J.D.: Okay, Mr. Simon. Good morning, how you feeling?
Mr. Simon: I was just asking Nurse Fajita here if you guys get extra points for asking stupid questions.
J.D.: No, sir, I was just trying to assess how you're --
Carla: [firm] Bambi. Don't bother.
J.D.: Carla, please. Sir, if there's anything I can do to make your stay here more comfortable --
Mr. Simon: You can kiss my man-sized ass!
J.D.: Okay. Will you hold me after?
He stutter-titter-laughs. Mr. Simon looks unimpressed.
J.D.: [to Carla] Maybe we shouldn't bother.
~*~
OPENING THEME
COMMERCIAL
~*~
Nurse's station
Jerry passes the station wheeling an IV drip.
Jerry: [to J.D.] Hey, Number Two!
J.D.: Hey, Number One.
Jerry: Hey, Number Two.
Carla: Hey Bambi, you know Mr. Simon made one of the night nurses cry?
J.D.: Which one?
Carla: Frank.
J.D.: Frank used to be a Navy SEAL.
Jerry: Hey, Number Two!
J.D.: Hey, Number One.
J.D. watches Cox and Kristen pass, holding hands, with some interest.
Kristen: You are a brave man. You're an attending here and not only you're dating a med student, you're holding hands with her in public.
Dr. Cox: Well, normally I would never do this, but there are mitigating factors.
Kristen: Like what?
Dr. Cox: Well, for starters, you are very hot.
They kiss.
Kristen: Listen, I have kind of a special evening planned for us. I'm not going to give away everything, but I will say it involves wine, an amazing dinner, and a safety word we've agreed upon in advance.
She licks her finger and runs it down his nose, before walking off down the hall.
Dr. Cox: God, you are going to make a great mom.
~*~
Admissions
Turk: I told you what to do if the stitches on your chest start to itch.
Mr. Sloane: Don't scratch.
Turk: Unless they're really itchy. Then you go to town, you go nuts, you do your thing.
Dr. Kelso approaches holding a stethoscope.
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, one of the nurses found your stethoscope in the bathroom.
Elliot: Oh, thank you so much, sir --
Dr. Kelso: [whipping the stethoscope away] This isn't it, sweetheart. I had them leave yours where it was. Let's try to be a little more responsible, shall we?
He storms away. Turk laughs slightly -- "Ouch"
Mr. Sloane: I think I went to college with that guy.
Elliot: Oh, lucky you.
Mr. Sloane: Used to play his guitar every Saturday night at this coffee house off-campus.
Turk: Remember the guy's name?
Mr. Sloane: Oh...Robbie, something, I think.
Elliot: You know, Dr. Kelso's name is Bob, which is short for Robert, and Robbie is another nickname for Robert!
Turk: [mocking] Like, oh, my God!
~*~
Mr. Simon's Room
J.D. and Carla are holding a quiet conference near the door.
J.D.: Just give Mr. Simon thirty milligrams of MS Contin. I don't understand why I have to come with you.
Carla: Because, Bambi, you're kind of like a doctor. Now come on, he's just another patient.
J.D. approaches the bed.
J.D.: Simon says "Hello"!
Mr. Simon: What the hell do you want?
J.D.: Just going to have Carla here give you a little stronger pain medication.
Mr. Simon: Beat it, junior.
J.D.: Toodles.
J.D. zooms out of the room.
Carla: Well. You're all mine.
She snaps on a latex glove.
~*~
Nurse's Station
J.D. approaches Elliot standing at the station.
J.D.: Me no likey mean guys. Have you seen my stethoscope?
Elliot: [trying to be innocent] No. Um, Maybe you left it in one of the girl's bathrooms?
She quickly leaves, hiding the stethoscope she's wearing.
J.D.: What?
He notices the Janitor walking down the hall, wielding a stethoscope.
J.D.: Hey! Hey, is that my stethoscope?
Janitor: This is _mine_. [into the stethoscope] It's getting hot, Red Bird, pull me out.
~*~
Hall
Cox rushes to catch up with Kristen.
Dr. Cox: Hey, Kristen, slow down!
Kristen: You have no idea how many times you're going to say that tonight.
Dr. Cox: Boy, you're making it hard.
Kristen: You're going to say that, too.
Dr. Cox: Kristen, look, something has come up and I'm not going to be able to make it tonight.
Kristen: What?
Dr. Cox: I know, I know, I'm sorry. But it's important. It's _very_ important.
~*~
Hospital Carpark -- Night
Dr. Cox and Carla exit the hospital and walk towards his Porsche.
Carla: So thank you so much for giving me a ride to pick up my new dresser.
Dr. Cox: Please, you know I love doing favors.
Carla: You hate doing favors.
Dr. Cox: But I like doing them for you, that's a fact. Now listen, even though I am in the best shape of my life -- and I am, by the way...I mean, fact of the matter is you could pretty much bounce a damn quarter off my butt, you know, if you...if you wanted to.
Carla: I...don't have any change.
Dr. Cox: Anyway, uh, I'm probably going to need your help getting the dresser up on the roof here.
Carla: Oh, I'm sure you guys can handle it.
She gets into the car. Cox looks slightly confused.
Dr. Cox: Uh, I beg your pardon.
~*~
Inside Cox's Car -- Later
Cox, looking annoyed, sits in the front seat alongside Carla. Turk is sprawled in the back.
Turk: Dude, this is such a sweet ride. You got seatbelts back here?
Cox: No.
The Porsche tears out of the carpark.
~*~
Doctor's Lounge -- The Next Morning
Elliot is sitting on the couch, clutching a pillow and a cup of coffee. She's swaying along slightly to a folk song playing from a stereo. Turk enters.
Turk: Hey. You know that dresser I got for Carla yesterday? It's not for her place, it's for mine. Is she moving in? No-one asked me.
Elliot continues swaying to the music, oblivious.
Turk: What the hell is this crap?
He shuts the tape off.
Elliot: It's Dr. Kelso! Mr. Sloane dropped the tape off.
Turk: Why do you care so much, anyway?
Elliot: I mean, I think it would be so interesting if there was this whole, like, romantic, creative, vulnerable side to him.
Turk stares at her, raising his eyebrows.
Elliot: I think it's a fascinating study of human behaviour.
Turk: [she's crazy] I think you're a fascinating study of human behaviour.
Elliot: The music's not that bad.
She switches the tape back on.
Singer: [from stereo] "You played a part/sweet Bunny/you broke my Tuscaloosa heart..."
Turk: "My Tuscaloosa heart"?
Elliot: You have to admit, if that was him, it'd be pretty weird.
Turk: You have to admit, you're pretty weird.
Elliot: Stop doing that!
Turk: [mimicking] You stop doing that!
Elliot sighs, and slurps her coffee. Turk slurps his louder. Elliot shoots him a look.
~*~
Hall
J.D. strides down the hallway, calm and confident.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Ahh, Mr. Simon's room.
He quickly zips past the open door, then switches back to the calm pace.
Carla: You don't have to hide from Mr. Simon.
J.D.: I'm not hiding from Mr. Simon, I have a new exercise program; it's called 'Short Bursts'.
Carla: [not buying it] Mmm, is it working?
J.D.: Do you have to ask?
He puts a finger to his pulse.
Carla: Yeah.
J.D.: Huh. Where did Mr. Simon go?
Carla: Well, I'm guessing not heaven. He died.
Jerry: [off-screen, from his room] Hey, Number Two!
J.D.: [distracted] Hey, Number One. What happened?
Carla: Bambi, he had terminal metastatic colon cancer, he went into respiratory arrest and passed away.
Jerry: [off-screen] Hey, Number Two!
J.D.: [distracted] Hey, Number One. Did you give him a dose of naloxone?
Bambi: Yes, Bambi, we tried intubating him, we did CPR, we even tried transcutaneous pacing.
Jerry: [off-screen] Hey, Number Two!
J.D.: He went so fast.
Carla: Yeah. Say "Hey, Number One".
J.D.: [still facing Carla] Hey, Number One.
Jerry: [off-screen] Hey, Number Two.
~*~
Cox's Apartment
Cox shuffles through his mail, and checks his answering machine.
Kristen: [from machine] Hey, it's Kristen. I missed you tonight. Don't get me wrong; I went ahead with the date on my own; but it would have been almost as fun if you were here. I wish you were here. See ya.
Dr. Cox: [to himself] You are a stupid, stupid man.
Jordan enters without knocking.
Jordan: Hey honey, I'm home. You know, you should lock your door, there's horrible people out there.
Dr. Cox: There's horrible people right in here.
Jordan: Maybe you forgot how this works. See, when I say that "Hi honey" thing, you take your pants off. See, thems the rules of the booty call.
Dr. Cox: Jordan, believe me, I enjoy our meaningless post-divorce sex as much as the next guy you marry will, but your timing cou-hould not be worse.
Jordan: Oh, maybe you don't remember the terms of our settlement. When Jordan needs sex, Jordan gets sex.
She hands him a drink.
Dr. Cox: Listen, Sweetcheeks, I am seeing someone who --
Jordan: Let me guess, let me guess -- dark haired, domineering, doesn't take any of your crap? You see, a lesser person would mock your inability to move on. I'm going to consider it an homage.
Dr. Cox: There is something so... soft about you.
Jordan: Yeah.
Jordan removes her jacket. Cox stands speechless for a moment.
Dr. Cox: Look, I am seeing someone right now -- who, by the way, is great -- and yet there's this other woman who I cannot get out of my head. She's totally unavailable, which may be why I can't get her out of my head; and _maybe_ -- and this is a whole new theory -- I keep thinking of this other woman -- the unavailable one -- because I am so afraid that the first thing might actually work out; and God forbid I ever do something that might actually make _me_ happy. Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?
Jordan: Oh my God. If I have to stay here and listen to this crap, I'll need a stronger drink.
She gets up to make herself another drink.
Dr. Cox: I hate you.
Jordan: I hate you, too, honey.
Dr. Cox: Fair enough.
He downs his drink.
~*~
ICU
Elliot and Turk stand over a patient's bed.
Elliot: I'm sure that was Dr. Kelso singing.
Turk: It wasn't.
Elliot: Yeah, but what if it was?
Turk: Elliot, stop. Okay, please, I don't want to have this conversation again.
Elliot: I really think it was him.
Turk: It wasn't.
Elliot: Yeah, but what if it was?
Turk: Oh, good Lord, woman.
Dr. Kelso arrives.
Dr. Kelso: Having a late-night tea party, are we? Oh, I guess my invitation must have been lost in the mail. Well, as long as I'm here, I'm partial to Lemon Zinger.
Elliot: Sir, the reason Dr. Turk is here is because his patient is going into surgery tomorrow; but I was kind of hoping we could do an ERCP first?
Dr. Kelso: Ahh, you're breaking my Tuscaloosa heart. Just turf him.
He exits. Elliot looks pleased.
Elliot: "Tuscaloosa heart", hmm? Um, this is what I like to call my 'Told-You-So Dance'.
She proceeds to perform a little dance routine, complete with stethoscope swinging and lyrics.
Elliot: I told you so, I told you so, I-I-I told you so, I told you so, I told you so, I-I-I told you so.
~*~
Turk and Carla's bedroom -- night
Turk and Carla are asleep in bed. J.D. walks in.
J.D.: You guys awake?
Turk suddenly bolts upright, surprised.
Turk: Holy son of a cracker!
Carla: [half-asleep] Turk...
Turk: Carla.
Carla: [half-asleep] Not now, maybe in the morning before work...
J.D.: Just thought I'd talk to you guys.
Turk: J.D., when you were a kid, did you used to walk into your parent's room in the middle of the night?
J.D. thinks about this, and looks off into the distance.
***Flashback sequence
J.D.'s Parents Bedroom
Young J.D. walks into his parent's bedroom, and rubs his eyes.
Young J.D.: Mommy, are you and Daddy playing wheelbarrow?
J.D.'s Dad: Son, you go back to bed, I'm fixing Mommy's back.
Young J.D. turns and runs from the room.
****
J.D.: Yes, once.
Carla: Turk, you're not being very sensitive.
Turk: I'll be sensitive at breakfast, baby. Turk out.
He drops back down. Carla pulls herself up.
Carla: What's up, Bambi?
J.D.: I just can't stop thinking about Mr. Simon. I neglected him because he was such a jerk; and I'm just kinda worried that's what killed him.
Carla: Well, could have been the neglect. Could have been the terminal cancer. Bambi, you're a conscientious doctor, you'd never do anything to hurt a patient, you know that.
J.D.: You're right. Argh...thank you, Carla.
J.D. leaves. Carla settles back into bed.
Carla: Mmm-hmm.
J.D.: Peace out, Turk!
Turk: Night.
J.D.'s Narration: We all know what goes on in the bedroom...
Turk rises and rolls over to Carla's side of the bed.
Turk: Baby, since we're up...?
Carla: No.
Turk: Okay. Oh, okay.
He rolls back down.
~*~
Cox's Bedroom -- Night
Cox and Jordan lie together.
J.D.'s Narration: But it's also the place to reflect on what's new in your life.
Jordan: Tell me about this girl you like.
Cox sighs.
~*~
J.D.'s Bedroom -- Night
J.D. lies in bed, wide awake.
J.D.'s Narration: And most importantly, it's the place where you can let everything go and finally just sleep...
He sighs, looking troubled.
J.D.'s Narration: ...or not.
~*~
COMMERCIAL
~*~
Admissions -- The Next Morning
J.D. walks in the front door, ready for a day of work.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Okay, so you got a good eight, nine minutes of sleep last night. Just remember it's a new day; yesterday's gone and it's never coming back.
Carla: Bambi. About yesterday.
J.D. turns, worried.
J.D.: It's back?
Carla: Uh, they want you to present Mr. Simon at a M and M conference this afternoon.
She hands him a piece of paper with the Sacred Heart logo stamped on it. J.D. examines it, worried.
J.D.'s Narration: Morbidity and Mortality conferences are just fun little meetings they have when they think you may be in any way responsible for a patient's death.
Carla: Bambi. Don't be nervous.
****Fantasy Sequence
Massive rivers of sweat run down J.D.'s face, dripping off and splashing.
J.D.: Is it hot in here? It's, like, it's hot!
****
J.D.: No, I'm fine.
Bambi: Okay.
J.D. turns, looking panicked and murmuring to himself.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Still, there's no reason to start obsessing. You did nothing wrong.
He steps into the elevator. The Janitor is inside, leaning on the wall and smiling slightly.
Janitor: Morning, Killer.
J.D.'s eyes widen.
Hall
The elevator doors open.
Janitor: Have a good one, Killer.
J.D. sighs, steps out, and walks down the hall. Jerry is further up the hall, behind J.D.
Jerry: Hey, Number Two!
J.D.: [not in the mood] Hey, Number One.
Jerry: Hey, Number Two!
J.D. turns back.
J.D.: Okay, you have to stop doing that. Look, Number One --
Jerry: Number Two!
J.D.: Okay, listen, I know we have the same name, and I feel very bad about that; but I can't spend every second of my day playing this game with you. I'm sorry, I...
He sighs and walks away.
Jerry: [unsure] Hey Number Two.
~*~
Surgery -- The Washroom
Kristen is scrubbing up. Cox walks up.
Kristen: Hey, you.
Dr. Cox: You got a minute?
Kristen: You know what would make surgery quicker? If we didn't have to be so clean.
Dr. Cox: Listen, I--I gotta say something to you here, you, uh... you are so great. You know, you're sexy, you're smart; God knows you're dangerous.
Kristen: Do you think I'm a spy?
Dr. Cox: No. Look, I just want you to know that I haven't been in this relationship a hundred percent, and it's because of how great you are and just exactly how much that scares me. But from now on, if you want... sister, you're going to be getting the whole shebang. 'Cause I'm all in, baby.
Kristen: Bring it. 'Brikka, bow-bow...
Dr. Cox: Yeah, you come here with the "bow-bow".
He pulls her to him and kisses her.
~*~
Doctor's Lounge
Turk, Elliot, and Carla are around the table. Elliot is closely examining a tape case.
Elliot: [reading] 'My Bunny's a Baby Blue', 'Bunny How Things Change', 'B-U-N-N-Y Spells Love to Me'. Ten songs about "Bunny"; not one song about his wife.
Turk: That's because it's physically impossible to write a love song about anyone named "Enid".
Elliot whacks Turk on the arm.
Elliot: Turk, don't you get it? This tape shows exactly why Kelso is... Kelso! I mean, he--he used to be this beautiful, wonderful, sweet, caring man; he--he found the love of his life and somehow she slipped through his hands.
Carla: [moved] Oh, that is so sad.
Turk: Have you guys ever stopped to think that maybe Bunny is just a real bunny.
Carla: Baby, that's just stupid.
Turk considers this.
Turk: Yeah, I know
~*~
Conference Room
J.D. sits at the end of a long table. Kelso sits at the other end, with doctors down both sides staring at J.D.
J.D.'s Thoughts: I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm akay, I'm a kay. I'm a kay? What the hell does that mean?
***Fantasy sequence
From J.D.'s point of view, we see Dr. Kelso rising as a drum rolls.
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Dorian, we have examined Aaron Simon's file. Before we begin, do you have any last words?
He holds out a lighter. J.D. is standing blindfolded in a spotlight before a brick wall.
J.D.: I'm a kay? That was terrible; can I have a do-over?
A gunshot is heard.
****
Dr. Kelso: Initially there were concerns that Mr. Simon may have been over-medicated. We have concluded that his pain control was both adequate and well within normal limits. Thank you for stopping by.
J.D.: Actually, Sir, I--I'm not sure how this whole thing usually works, but I was kinda hoping we could take a closer look at me.
Kelso raises an eyebrow.
J.D.: I've been sorta doubting my performance, and it would--it would be really helpful if we could all talk about it. As a group.
They all quickly get up and leave.
J.D.'s Narration: Bottom line, Dr. Kelso isn't looking to do me any favors. If I did something wrong, he'd call me on it...
On Call Room
J.D. lies on the bunk, arms behind his head, wide awake.
J.D.'s Thoughts: ...then how come I still can't sleep?
~*~
Cafeteria
Jordan and Kristen are talking and laughing at a table. Cox approaches.
Dr. Cox: Oh, joy.
He folds his arms and bares his teeth.
Jordan: See, I told you when he saw us together he'd fold his arms and do the teeth thing.
Kristen: You know, he did the same thing the first time I saw him naked.
Jordan: No way, same here.
Kristen: Really?
Jordan: Yeah.
They laugh.
Dr. Cox: Ohh-kay, this is beyond horrible.
Jordan: Would you relax, Perry, I just came by for a board meeting and I wanted to meet the new lady in your life... and warn her.
Kristen: Thank you.
Jordan: You're welcome.
Dr. Cox: Kristen... this is my emotional baggage. Baggage... Kristen.
Kristen: Ohh, be nice.
She leans forward and kisses him. Carla approaches from behind and puts her arm around Cox.
Carla: Hey, um, I just wanted to thank you again for helping me move that dresser last night.
Dr. Cox: Oh, sure, no problem.
Carla: Thank you. [to Kristen] He's a great guy.
Dr. Cox: [trying to get rid of her] See ya.
Carla: Oh. Bye.
She leaves.
Kristen: That's why you blew me off?
Jordan: Oh, I should leave.
She sits back and waits for the fireworks.
Kristen: Moving furniture with that nurse you have a crush on. That's your "hundred percent"?
Dr. Cox: No--no, no--no, the hundred percent actually came well after that. Look, her boyfriend was there the entire time, and if you want to know the truth, bailing on you is far and away the best thing that could have happened because it made me realise that I was sabotaging myself again. What, if you don't believe me, ask Jordan. [to Jordan] Would you please tell her what I said to you right before you left this morning.
Jordan winces, "Nooo".
Kristen: Left where?
Dr. Cox: Uhh... um... uh...
He looks to Jordan for help. She just casually looks around the cafeteria. Cox winces and gives up.
Kristen: [disgusted] You're unbelievable.
She gets up and leaves.
Jordan: That's too bad, I liked her.
Dr. Cox: I did, too!
Jordan shrugs.
Dr. Cox: Oh dear God...
~*~
Hall
Kelso walks down the hall. Elliot and Turk are at the nurse's station.
Elliot: Why don't we just say something to him?
Turk: Like what?
Elliot: I don't know... I heard some of your songs and I think they're extraordinary.
Turk: Elliot, don't.
Elliot: I won't.
Turk: [holding out his pinky] Pinky swear.
Elliot takes his pinky...and then pulls him into the hall by it.
Elliot: I heard some of your songs and I think they're extraordinary!
Kelso turns, puzzled.
Dr. Kelso: Excuse me?
Turk: [pulling his pinky away] You swore!
Elliot: You know what, um, just forget it. We won't bother you anymore.
Kelso starts on his way again.
Turk: Sir... whatever happened to Bunny? We gotta know.
Dr. Kelso: Well, actually, the music came before Bunny. I learned to play the guitar growing up as a young rapscallion in Mississippi; but things didn't really take off until I moved to Memphis. Then I met the Colonel, and the hits just kept coming! Unfortunately, it went to my head, I gained a lot of weight, started wearing a white jumpsuit and ate tranquilizers like they were trailmix.
Elliot: Sir --
Dr. Kelso: Then, in 1977, I died on the toilet... [scary grin] Or did I?
Turk: You never played the guitar, did you?
Kelso: Son, that crap is for hippies. Now for God's sake, get back to work!
Elliot: Yes sir.
Elliot and Turk quickly turn and leave.
Kelso: [Elvis] Thank you very much.
~*~
Admissions
Cox is examining a chart before J.D.
J.D.'s Thoughts: Ultimately, I always turn to the person I trust the most. Because I know when he looks me in the eye and says I didn't do anything wrong, I'll actually believe it.
Dr. Cox: Yep, looks like you screwed the pooch there, Tinkerbell.
J.D.: But I didn't overmedicate him!
Dr. Cox: Of course you didn't, and I always check your orders after you make them. [starting to pull on a rain jacket] But if you're wondering whether or not you treated Mr. Simon differently because he's a complete jerk, well... I think you know the answer to that one already, don't you?
J.D.: Depends what you mean by different, I --
Dr. Cox: I have to warn you, I just got dumped in front of my ex-wife not ten minutes ago, okay Betty? [off J.D.'s look] It's always easy to treat the nice ones nice, isn't it?
J.D.: Uh huh.
Dr. Cox: But your drug addicts, your child abusers, your garden-variety jerks... [he whistles softly] Man.
He pulls the hood of his jacket tightly around his face.
J.D.: You know, it's, uh--it's barely misting out...
Dr. Cox: It's my hair, if it even gets damp, it frizzes out and becomes wildly unmanageable.
J.D.: [whispering] Mine too!
Dr. Cox: [whispering] It was a joke, you girl.
J.D. looks slightly annoyed.
Dr. Cox: Lookit, Newbie, the only way to judge your growth as a doctor -- hell, as a human being -- is by making sure you don't repeat the same mistakes over and over.
~*~
Cox's Apartment
Cox is on the couch, clad only in boxers. Jordan is finishing zipping up her dress.
Jordan: That was really great and all, but next time would you do me a favour and not look at me in the eye, it really gets in the way of what I come here to do.
Dr. Cox: Then, for God's sake, stop turning around!
Jordan: Oh, that's classy.
Dr. Cox: No, wait a minute -- you don't have to go... you know, if... if you don't want to.
Jordan: Oh my God, are you really that lonely?
Dr. Cox: Kinda, yeah.
Jordan: All right, I'll toss you a quickie, but no talking.
She enters his bedroom. Cox gets up, punching the air. 'My Tuscaloosa Heart' begins playing again.
Dr. Cox: I'll talk if I want to, you know!
Jordan: Yeah, be quiet!
He stops punching, and slumps.
~*~
Hall
J.D.'s Narration: The worst part of being a doctor is that you fall short a lot. The best part is that if you wait around for a few seconds, you'll get a chance to redeem yourself.
Jerry: [from his room] Hey, Number Two!
J.D. stops and turns into...
Jerry's Room
J.D.: Hey, Number One. How you doing, man?
J.D.'s Narration: I guess there's good and bad in all of us.
~*~
Kelso's Office
Kelso is seated behind his desk, strumming a guitar and singing along.
Dr. Kelso: "Woke up this morning / without you / Oh, angel / the skies is blue / And there's nothing I can do / but close my eyes / and dream about you..."
Kelso's secretary (?) interrupts over the intercom.
Secretary: Dr. Kelso, your wife is on line one.
Kelso considers this for a moment, then picks up the phone.
Dr. Kelso: [into phone] Hey, Bunny! -- No, I forgot--Yeah--no-- Yeah, I'll--I'll do it as soon as I get home. -- Well, I'm sor -- [the line clicks dead] Yeah...well, I guess hanging up on me is the right thing to do.
He picks his guitar and resumes the song.
~*~
Jerry's Room
J.D. is asleep in a chair next to Jerry's bed.
J.D.'s Narration: And once you've accepted all sides of yourself, it's a lot easier to sleep at night.
Jerry: Goodnight, Number Two.
Jerry settles down and closes his eyes.
~*~
Cox's Apartment
Cox is again boxer short-clad on the couch, flicking TV channels with the remote.
Dr. Cox: Nothing... gotta be boobs somewhere... nothing... jackpot!
Dr. Kelso: "Oh, it's sad, but it's true..."
Dr. Cox: [gesturing to the TV with his drink] Cheers.
Dr. Kelso: "...I love you."
END
