Épisode Mes petits larcins S02E08 - Scrubs Saison 2

Open: Hospital -- On-Call Room

Elliot is sleeping on the bed.

J.D.'s Narration: As a doctor, you spend about a third of your nights sleeping at the hospital. But, truth be told, not a lot of sleeping actually takes place.

Nurse Roberts opens the door and flicks on the light.

Nurse Roberts: Dr. Reid?

Elliot bolts up, half asleep, her hair mussed.

Elliot: I'm not sucking my thumb!

Nurse Roberts: Mr. Rodriguez is coding.

Elliot: Ohh.

She starts to get up.

Nurse Roberts: You look pretty!

Elliot: [fluffing her messy hair] Oh, thank you!

J.D.'s Narration: You learn to appreciate the little things -- like waking up in your own bed.

Cut to...

Dr. Cox's Apartment -- Bedroom

Perry is sound asleep. Sitting up next to him is Julie, covered by only a sheet -- and that's only her bottom half. She's watching him sleep.

J.D.'s Narration: Of course, if there's someone there with you....

He wakes and looks at her.

Julie: Sorry I woke you.

Dr. Cox: I'll live.

He pulls her down into a kiss.

J.D.'s Narration: ....that's just gravy.

Cut to...

Turk and J.D.'s Apartment -- Living Room

J.D. comes out of his room in just his briefs.

J.D.'s Narration: Yep, there's nothing like mornings at home!

Carla greets him from the kitchenette.

Carla: Hey, there, Sunshine!

J.D.: [embarrassed] Morning.

He picks up Rowdy and holds him in front of himself.

J.D.'s Narration: I forgot Carla is staying with us while her building is being fumigated.

Turk comes out of his bedroom.

Turk: Hey! Don't use Rowdy to cover up your giblets! Apologize!

Carla opens the refrigerator.

Carla: Hey, can somebody tell me why we have no milk or orange juice, but, like, forty fruit cups in here?

J.D.'s Narration: The average resident owes over one hundred thousand dollars in med school loans, and makes about as much as a waiter. So you have to do things to make ends meet.

Barenaked Ladies' "If I Had A Million Dollars" plays.

Cut to... The Hospital

J.D.'s Narration: Like, you can cover someone's shift.

A fellow staffer gives some money and a chart to J.D. before taking off.

J.D.'s Narration: ....Or you can steal stuff from the hospital.

Once Dr. Kelso passes, J.D. fills his backpack with a tray of food from one of the carts parked in the hall.

J.D.'s Narration: Or you can moonlight at an urgent care center.

Turk nearly falls asleep while listening to someone's heart.

J.D.'s Narration: ....Or, you can steal stuff.

Nurse Roberts watches J.D. raid the cream and sugar packets from the coffee area of the Nurses' Station.

J.D.'s Narration: Or your dad can pay for everything.

Elliot is in her lush apartment, doing her nails and drinking wine.

J.D.'s Narration: ....Or, well...you know....

J.D. and Turk emerge from the men's room, with armloads of toilet paper.

Turk: Go, go! Run!

At the hospital Entrance, J.D. is stopped by the Janitor.

The music halts.

Janitor: Hold up.

J.D.: Why?

Janitor: There's been several thefts around the hospital. We're doing bag checks.

J.D.: Well, what about that guy taking scrubs?

The guy's face is totally hidden behind the giant armful of hospital scrubs he's carrying out the front door.

Janitor: Hey, Tom!

Tom: [muffled] Hey!

Janitor: He doesn't have a bag.

J.D.: Well, go ahead, narc. I'm clean.

The Janitor rifles through J.D.'s backpack.

Janitor: Yeah? Ah-ha!

He pulls out a book. That's it.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Of course, if he was checking my trunk....

J.D. gulps at the thought....

The song resumes.

Out in the parking lot, J.D. is dropping the last few pudding cups into his whole trunk full.

Turk is at the wheel of the car.

J.D.: Pudding! Score!

Turk: Come on! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

J.D. slams the trunk shut and jumps into the car.

It begins to pull off, but then screeches to a halt. J.D. jumps out and runs around to the trunk.

Turk: Get me a butterscotch, buddy! Come on!

J.D. grabs a couple cups and jumps back in to the car. They take off.

Turk: Ha-haaaaa!

~*~

OPENING THEME

CREDITS

~*~

Re-open: The Hospital -- Nurses' Station

J.D. comes up to Dr. Cox.

J.D.: So, I did that cardio-version, I extubated Mrs. Beyes, and I finished all the transfer summaries on the nursing home patients.

Dr. Cox: Well, what can I say? You did exceptional work today, Newbie, and I'm proud of you.

He gives J.D. a congratulatory wink.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Did he just wink at me?

Dr. Cox: There a problem?

***Fantasy Shot: J.D. is sobbing tears of joy.

J.D.: [blubbering] I'm just so happy!

****

J.D.: No, no problem, sir.

Dr. Cox: [grinning] Thatta boy.

He turns around to Nurse Roberts, who is behind the desk.

Dr. Cox: And, Laverne, [sniffs] what is that delightfully naught-aye scent you're wearing?

Nurse Roberts: It's called Twelve Hour Shift.

She slams down a chart.

Dr. Cox: Ow. Yeah, it is.

He moves away from her.

Nurse Roberts: [to J.D.] Why the hell is he so cheery?

J.D.: Because I did exceptional work today.

Julie comes up to Dr. Cox.

Dr. Cox: Hey, babe.

Julie: Hey. I ordered the fight on pay-per-view, got a six-pack of your favorite beer, and we are leaving this second.

Dr. Cox: Hop on, blondie. Come'ere.

She jumps on him piggy-back style, and he trots down the hall, singing:

Dr. Cox: Oh, Perry gonna get some lovin'. Perry gonna get some lovin'. Oh, Perry gonna get some lovin'.

Julie spanks him once to "giddyap".

Nurse Roberts: Mm-hmm.

Dr. Kelso emerges from the bathroom. He angrily slams a periodical onto the counter.

Dr. Kelso: Is there one bathroom in this damn place that has toilet paper? Or do I have to start carrying around a basket of leaves?!

J.D. whistles innocently as he vacates the area.

Cut to...

The Urgent Care Center

Turk is explaining the indications of a bottle of medication to an elderly man.

Turk: This is the reason why your headache didn't go away: That's actually pronounced analgesic, not anal-gesic. Sir, the pills go in your mouth.

He gives the man a pat on the back and sends him on his way with his pills.

An Urgent Care physician pokes her head in the door of the room.

Doctor: You know, we're gonna be short another doctor tomorrow night, so if you've got a friend that wants to pick up extra three hundred bucks....?

Cut to...

Turk and J.D.'s Apartment

The boys are sitting together, eating pudding.

Turk: And they said they'll pay you two hundred bucks -- cash money.

J.D.: Sweet! Dude, you are like the best friend ever!

Turk: Hell, yeah!

~*~

Hospital -- Nurses' Station

Carla hangs up the phone. Elliot is nearby.

Carla: Uuuggh! My mother lives with me all year -- my aunt Marie has to take care of her for _one week_ and she won't stop bitching!

Elliot: So? My dad's coming in to town for a conference tomorrow.

Carla: You don't seem that stressed out.

Elliot: Well, I haven't pooed in six days.

J.D. butts in to the conversation.

J.D.: Twice this morning, and I haven't even had my coffee yet.

Elliot: You really pick odd things to brag about.

J.D.: I'm just saying, if I had to get three by lunch, I probably could.

Carla: Hey, guys. Gyno Girls, twelve o'clock.

***Fantasy Shot: The sultry Gyno Girl introductory music plays as a quartet of babes in white coats approach.

J.D.'s Narration: Obstetrics and Gynecology is a specialty that's usually dominated by women.

****

One of the Girls, Dr. Gerson, addresses Elliot.

Dr. Gerson: Dr. Reid? I'm Dr. Gerson. We were just wondering if you have any thoughts about your specialty? Because we really think you're OB-GYN material.

J.D.'s Narration: Being a Gyno Girl is a lot like being in a sorority.

***Fantasy Sequence: The Gyno Girls wear very little as they have a giggly pillow fight on a great big sorority room bed. They pair off and begin kissing.

****

Elliot interrupts J.D.'s thoughts....

Elliot: J.D.! I can't go with Dr. Gerson because I have to help you...right?

J.D.: Ah, just gimme a second, I'm figuring something out for a patient.

***Fantasy Sequence: Resumes with the girls just sitting on the bed, pulling themselves together.

Dr. Gerson: I'm glad we all finally experimented with each other...but I'll never do it again.

The others nod and murmur in agreement.

****

J.D.: [to self] Dammit!

He's not the only one disappointed. Because he was busy "figuring out something for a patient", J.D. failed to help Elliot out of the trap, and she's now being escorted down the hall by the Gyno Girls. She looks back at J.D. angrily and whimpers.

~*~

Hall

Dr. Cox and Julie are walking through.

All the male staffers they pass notice her.

Male Doctor: Julie!

Julie: Hey, Rob! Good to see you! Hey, Dan!

Dr. Cox: Oh, God! I just hate that every doctor you ever gave a drug sample to sniffs around you like a pathetic little puppy-dog.

Julie: I never gave those guys anything! I _slept_ with them!

Dr. Cox: Oh! Great....

~*~

Cafeteria

Elliot and Carla are at a table together.

Elliot: Those Gyno Girls are really putting the pressure on. We must have looked at a hundred women's bajingos today! Bajingo, bajingo, bajingo! I mean, I can't even look at my own bajingo, you know?

She takes a sip of her coffee.

Carla: Is that because it looks so much like a vagina?

Elliot sputters in surprise.

Elliot: [hissing] Carla! There's people! [resolved] You know, forget it. I'm just gonna stand up to them and tell them that I'm not interested.

Carla: I think you should.

At the next table, Dr. Kelso begins laughing.

Elliot: Sir? Why...are you laughing?

Dr. Kelso: [through his giggles] Oh, who knows. It could be the funny face I made with my peas....

They crane their necks to get a look at his plate.

Dr. Kelso: [continuing] But, gun to my head, I'd say I'm laughing at the notion that you could stand up to anybody.

~*~

Urgent Care Center

J.D. sits next to an examination chair as Turk carries a small girl over and sets her down with a rumbling motor noise. Her arm is bandaged, and she looks a bit traumatized.

Turk: There we go.

J.D.'s Narration: Moonlighting sucks. But Turk and I make do.

Turk: Now, will a lollipop put a smile on your face?

He holds up a small candy. The girl shakes her head "no".

J.D.: How about if Dr. Turk sings "Jimmy Crack Corn"?

The girl shakes her head again.

J.D.: How about if Dr. Turk sings "Jimmy Crack Corn" as Neil Diamond?

The girl's face lights up.

Turk: Okay.

J.D.: Hit it.

He uses the lollipop as a microphone while he sings....

Turk: "Jimmy crack corn, and I don't care / Jimmy crack corn..." -- hold this for me....

He gives the girl the lollipop and scoops her up, carrying her to the door.

Turk: "...and I don't care / "Jimmy crack corn, and I don't ca----------re-uh!"

J.D. laughs as Turk takes the girl down the hall.

The Urgent Care physician comes in.

Doctor: Dr. Dorian. We could use you again tomorrow if you'd like to make another three hundred dollars?

J.D.: _Three_ hundred?

Cut to...

Admissions -- The Next Day

J.D. enters, eating a cup of pudding.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Luckily for Turk, revenge is a dish best served cold.... Not unlike this tapioca pudding.

Behind the desk, the Janitor is going over the keyboard of one of the computers with a small dusting tool.

Janitor: You know, we're zeroing in on the guy that's been stealing stuff.

J.D. hides his pudding cup behind his back.

J.D.: Oh? Well, that's good.

Janitor: Yep. In fact, right now, I'm dusting for fingerprints.

J.D.: Really?

Janitor: Nah, I'm just dusting.

J.D. stands there guiltily for a moment, waiting for his chance. When the Janitor looks down, he quickly tosses his pudding cup in to the nearby trash can, and puts on his most innocent expression when the Janitor looks up at the sound.

~*~

Nurses' Station

J.D. comes up to Dr. Cox.

J.D.: Hey, Dr. Cox. I finished those discharge dictations you wanted me to do, and I was able to get Mrs. Chesky on the transplant list.

J.D.'s Thoughts: And here comes the wink.

Dr. Cox just glances at him.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Okay, maybe I'll start it off.

J.D. gives an exaggerated wink.

Dr. Cox: Oh, my God, Sabrina. You had better tell me that you just had laser eye surgery and they accidentally severed the muscle that enables you to hold that lid up, because you did not just wink at me!

J.D.: I didn't mean anything by it; I...I wink at everybody.

Dr. Kelso comes up to the desk.

J.D.: Oh, hey, Dr. Kelso!

He gives Dr. Kelso an exaggerated wink.

Dr. Kelso: Save it for the bath houses, sport.

He goes about his work.

J.D.'s Thoughts: Oh, boy.

J.D. exits.

Carla: [to Dr. Cox] Don't take your anger out on Bambi!

Dr. Cox: I'm not angry. So, my girlfriend serviced most of the staff. I'm proud of her commitment to medicine.

Carla: Please! What about all the women you've slept with? Your ex-wife, that med student, your ex-wife, the cute nurse from radiology, your ex-wife....

Dr. Cox: Would you please get off my ex-wife?

Carla: I will if you will.

Dr. Cox: [laughs] Well...dammit! Gosh, now I'm too proud of ya to be mad at you.

~*~

Hall

Elliot and her father are walking through.

Elliot: So, Dad, how are things at home?

Dr. Reid: They're good...good. Your mom redid the bedroom again. I'm gonna keep mine the way it is.

Elliot: Well, you don't want to be one of those couples that does everything together.

His phone rings.

Dr. Reid: Sorry.

He moves off to answer it.

Dr. Reid: [into phone] Hello?

Elliot takes the opportunity to address Dr. Kelso, who reading a chart nearby.

Elliot: I just wanted you to know, sir, that I faced up to those Gyno Girls with a very strong and clear "No thank you."

Dr. Kelso: Yes. I heard about your note!

Elliot: Th-th-th-the point is that I'm out.

Dr. Reid finishes his call.

Dr. Reid: That was your mom. She said to say...something.

Elliot: Oh.

Dr. Reid: So, did Dr. Gerson ever contact you?

Elliot: You told her to talk to me?

Dr. Reid: She went to med school with a colleague at my hospital. Come on, I want to go see the department.

He starts down the hall.

Dr. Kelso: [to Elliot] Paging Dr. Backbone to the Bajingo Ward!

He laughs.

~*~

Doctors' Lounge

J.D. is on one of the couches, channel surfing.

Turk comes in.

Turk: Hey, man. You wanna grab a couple of beers tonight?

J.D.: Can't. I'm moonlighting at Urgent Care.

Turk: That's funny, the lady didn't call me?

J.D.: Well, maybe that's because I found out you stole a hundred dollars from me and I Marcia Brady'd your ass.

Turk: What?

J.D.: You know, when Marcia was working at the ice cream shop, and then she got Jan a job, and they liked Jan better, so they fired Marcia.

Turk: Yeah, "Marcia Gets Creamed" -- Season Five, Episode Three. Don't _ever_ question me on The Bunch. Besides, there's no way they liked you better than me.

J.D.: Then maybe it's because I told her that you smoke the ganja.

Turk: What!? That--that's not even true! You're a jackass!

He storms out of the room.

J.D.: Where're you going? Munchies?

Cut to...

Dr. Cox's Apartment -- Living Room -- Evening

Perry and Julie are snuggled on the couch together, watching TV.

The TV announcer is heard to say... "Stay tuned for 'Survivor'."

Dr. Coxflicks off the TV.

Dr. Cox: I so don't think so!

Julie: Hey! I was watching that.

Dr. Cox: I know, but it's my place, so it's house rules. Lookit, I-I feel like...I owe you an apology, here.

Julie: Really? For what?

Dr. Cox: Well, just for being so jealous and pissy lately. I mean, I guess I just kind of got hung up on the fact that you were with, you know, Dr. Jasper and...Dr. Michaels...Dr. Stone. Was it his ear hair? Is that what is so compelling about him? Nevermind. The point is that this relationship, right here, is about the present...and it's about the future; and I'm never gonna let anything from our past ever get in our way again. Deal?

Julie: Deal.

Dr. Cox: Come here.

They kiss.

The front door is unlocked, and a very round Jordan enters.

Jordan: Keys still work!

Dr. Cox's gaze affixes on her belly.

Dr. Cox: [taken aback] Excellent.

~*~

COMMERCIAL

~*~

Re-open: Dr. Cox's Apartment

The scene resumes.

Dr. Cox: Jordan. Please tell me you ate a raccoon and it's slowly making its way through your digestive system.

Jordan: Oh, don't worry, it's not your baby. [to Julie] Though not for lack of trying -- see, we have sex a lot.

Julie: Who are you?

Jordan: Who do you think I am?

Julie: Well, you have keys to the apartment, so I'm gonna say...the maid.

Jordan: Oh.

Dr. Cox: Julie, this is my ex-wife, Jordan; Jordan, this is my girlfriend, Julie. Okay! That was a treat, wasn't it? [to Jordan] Now, would you like me to call you a cab, or should I just whistle and have the flying monkeys bring the broom around?

Jordan: Oh, no.... He called you his girlfriend. If I were you, I'd start gathering your tiny panties up, because...I think you're done.

Julie: I'm already bored by you. Perry, I will be in the bedroom; come join me when Tubby leaves.

She stands and goes to the bedroom.

Jordan: Ta.

Dr. Cox: Oh, who did that to you?

Jordan: Well, I was at this fabulous hotel in Greece -- chock-full of available, wealthy men -- scru---

Dr. Cox: So, it was the bellboy.

Jordan: Er, busboy or poolboy...something-boy -- I don't know. Anyway, when I first found out, I was panicked; and then I thought, you know, I've kind of been drifting through life all these years and I need to look into my heart and see what really matters to me. Anyway, I decided to keep the stupid kid.

Dr. Cox: You should cut out the middleman and just have a therapist deliver him. I mean, honestly, Jordan, why--why are you telling me...this?

Jordan: Oh! Because I've also decided that I want you back.

~*~

The Hospital -- Admissions

A couple of cops are leading a guy out.

J.D. comes up to the Janitor, who is supervising the proceedings.

Janitor: Yeah, we got him. And he's gonna pay.

J.D.: They're actually arresting someone for stealing pudding and toilet paper?

Janitor: No. They found twenty bottles of Vicodin in his backpack. Did you steal pudding and toilet paper?

J.D.: What? No! I hate pudding, and I don't use toilet...paper.

The Janitor looks at him. J.D. struggles for a second to explain that one.

J.D.: I have one of those French things that shoots water up your butt.

Janitor: "Bidet."

J.D.: Bidet to you, sir.

He leaves.

Cut to...

Nurses' Station

Turk leans over the counter to give Carla a kiss.

She holds on to him for a deeper one.

Carla: I miss you.

Turk: I miss you, too.

Carla: I thought I was gonna get to see you last night.

Turk: Yeah, I know, but I...freakin' caught a E.M.T. shift, and I was riding around in an ambulance all night.

J.D. comes up to the Station.

J.D.: That is so cool! Did they let you run the siren?

Turk: I'm not talking to you. ....And, yes.

J.D.: Oh, quit being such a baby.

Turk: "Bab---" You stole my job!

J.D.: You stole my money!

Turk: That was a _finder's fee_!

He leaves.

J.D. yells after him:

J.D.: Oh, yeah? Well find this!

Carla: You know, you're supposed to grab your crotch when you say that.

J.D.: Wouldn't that hurt?

She rolls her eyes at him.

~*~

The Bar

Elliot and her dad are at the bar.

She digs a handful of nuts out of the bowl with a grin.

Elliot: So, this is where we all hang out. It's neat, huh?

Dr. Reid: It's a...hell hole.

Elliot: Dad? Why are you so set on me being an OB-GYN?

Dr. Reid: Look, Honey, your highest income potential as a female physician is in Obstetrics.

Elliot: But...don't you think that, maybe it's time that you left those sort of things up to me?

Dr. Reid: Well, since I paid for your college, your medical school, your car, and now your apartment and all your living expenses, I'd have to say no.

The waitress delivers their plates of food.

Dr. Reid: Good God, someone vomited on my hot dog.

Elliot: It's chili, Dad! Okay? And you know what? Even though I really appreciate everything that you've given me, it's my life! So stop complaining and enjoy your damn meal!

She blows her hair out of her face and takes a bite.

Instantly, she grabs for a napkin.

Elliot: Oh! Oh, my God! That's disgusting!

~*~

Dr. Cox's Apartment

Dr. Cox: Jordan, I don't know what to tell you.

Julie emerges from the bedroom in one of Perry's shirts.

Julie: Are you ever coming in, Perry? [to Jordan] You can join us if you want, but I doubt you'll fit on the bed.

Jordan: [to Dr. Cox] Okay, have one last fling. But I'll be back; and, until then, everywhere you look, you'll see me.

Julie: Everywhere anybody looks, they'll see you.

Jordan: Oh, it is so on!

Julie: Bring it!

Dr. Cox buries his head in his hands.

Dr. Cox: Oh...God.

Jordan puts a consoling hand on his shoulder, and Julie slaps it away.

In a montage sequence, New Radicals' "Mother We Just Can't Get Enough" plays as everywhere Perry looks, not only does he see Julie, but also, as promised, he sees Jordan....

At the Nurses' Station, Julie hops up on the counter to read over his shoulder.

Jordan tries to hop up too, but is too big, and contents herself with leaning against it.

In the Cafeteria, Perry melts when he sees Julie at a table seductively eating an ice cream sundae.

He just about dies watching Jordan at the next table devour an enormous burger.

In the hall, Julie conveniently drops her pen, giving Perry an awesome view as she bends over to pick it up.

Jordan comes through and also "drops" her bottle of water. She struggles to bend over and pick it up. The music comes to a sickening halt as Jordan falters.

Jordan: Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick.

Perry rushes over to help her.

~*~

Hospital Entrance

Turk is walking out. J.D. tries to catch up with him.

J.D.: Oh, so now you're ignoring me?

Turk: Man, because of you, I gotta ride around in the ambulance all night -- and you know I get car-sick!

He leaves.

J.D.: Come on, Turk! Turk!

Janitor: Hey, idiot.

J.D. turns around.

Janitor: Heh, I said "idiot" and you looked. Hey, help me carry this computer into my van.

Perched on one of the trash-cans just outside the front door is a desktop CPU and monitor.

J.D.: You can't just take a computer.

Janitor: Help me, or we go check out the trunk of your car.

J.D. hefts the other end of the computer.

J.D.: Stay low.

They skulk into the parking lot.

~*~

Bathroom

Jordan is sitting on the floor with her back against the wall.

Dr. Cox crouches next to her.

Dr. Cox: Look, morning sickness sucks. Believe me, I know; I've been there.

Jordan sniffles into a tissue.

Dr. Cox: Hey, Jordan, are you...are you crying?

Jordan: No.... I don't know! I'm just completely hormonal! I mean, you try going from out-of-control horny to clinically depressed six times a day.

Dr. Cox: Oh, gimme a break, I can knock that out on the way to work. Hey, lady, I'm proud of what you're doing here.

Jordan: Really?

Dr. Cox: Yeah, really.

Jordan: Thanks. Last chance: Do you want me or not?

Dr. Cox: Oh, Jordan; I'm so sorry, but....

Jordan: Forget it. I was kidding. I was kidding, really. Help me up.

He reaches for her hands.

Dr. Cox: Help _you_ up?

She laughs.

Jordan: Yeah.

Dr. Cox: Help me up!

Jordan: [giggling] It takes two hands.

~*~

Nurses' Station

Carla is on the phone.

J.D. comes up to her.

Carla: [on the phone] You think you could help me out a little bit, here?

J.D.: Carla, why won't Turk let this go?

Carla: [into phone] Sh--Marie! She's only with you for one week!

J.D.: Carla....

Carla: [into phone] Hold on a second.

She holds the receiver against her shoulder.

Carla: Bambi, I've got ten messages from my mother. My Aunt Marie won't stop calling me _about_ my mother. I still gotta run home and put out canned food for my cat, because apparently the dry stuff doesn't cut it anymore. Plus, Turk and I can't find five minutes to spend together, because I'm working doubles and he's moonlighting non-stop so we can scrape together enough money to send my mother to a decent retirement community. So, what, Bambi? What?!

J.D.: We'll talk later.

J.D.'s Narration: Carla said something that made me realize exactly what I had to do.

Cut to...

Parking Lot

Turk opens the back door of the ambulance as he shouts to another staffer in the lot.

Turk: That's it for me, man. I'ma get my stuff and get out of here.

Staffer: [out of view] Okay, man.

J.D. bolts up from the stretcher where he's been hiding under a blanket.

He screams frighteningly.

It works -- Turk jumps back and shrieks.

Turk: What the hell are you doing in here?

J.D.: She said "we."

Turk: What?

J.D.: Carla. She said "we" -- "We need to scrape some money together." And it wasn't just like a "we're dating" we; it was just like a "we're gonna spend the rest of our lives together" we. I don't know, man, that--that just seems big to me, you know?

Turk: Yeah, I know.

There's a moment of silence as that revelation sinks in and this "apology" takes effect.

J.D.: Can I run the siren?

Turk thinks a moment, then jumps in.

Turk: Yeah, but be quick.

Cut to...

Elliot's Apartment.

Elliot is on the sofa, staring blankly. Carla is there.

Carla: So, you finally stood up to your father?

Elliot: Yep.

Carla: And he cut you off -- no money, no nothing?

Elliot: Pretty much.

Carla: [under breath] Jerk. [looking around] Wow. This is a big place.

Elliot: Do you know where I could find some boxes?

Carla sits next to Elliot and puts her arm around her.

Cut to...

Dr. Cox's Apartment

Julie is on the couch. Perry goes over to the bar and pours a couple of drinks.

Julie: So, is your ex-wife like all women are crazy-crazy? Or more like that assistant who tazered David Spade-crazy?

Dr. Cox: Well, you gotta try and understand, she's going through a rough time right now, and I'm the one she's used to leaning on. Which, in her current condition, is actually causing me more physical pain than it is emotional. But, still, it sure was silly of her to try to make me choose between the two of you.

Julie: I guess it was a pretty easy decision, huh?

He stands at the bar a moment, thinking.

Dr. Cox: Well, when I really had a chance to think about it, it turns out it was the easiest decision I ever made.

He takes the drinks back to the couch.

Julie isn't there. In her place is Jordan.

Dr. Cox: I was always gonna wind up with you.

He sits down next to her.

Jordan: So, the whole vulnerable crying thing worked, huh?

Dr. Cox: I never had a chance.

Jordan: You do realize I'm pregnant, don't you?

Dr. Cox: Yeah. They're both for me.

He clinks the glasses together.

Jordan: Cheers.

~*~

Parking Lot

J.D. and Turk are sitting on the back of their car, eating pudding straight out of the cups.

Turk: You know, I keep waiting to get sick of pudding -- with every cup I love it more.

J.D.: Yeah, me too. So, are you gonna marry her?

Turk: Yeah. I think so.

J.D.: Wow.

They think about it a moment.

Nelly's "Ride Wit Me" begins to play.

Turk: Sorry I ripped you off.

J.D.: Ah, forget about it. You can keep the hundred bucks.

Turk puts his arm around his friend.

Turk: I was gonna, man. I was gonna.

 

J.D.'s Narration: I usually don't like thinking about the future. I mean, let's face it, you can't predict what's gonna happen.

J.D.'s Narration: But sometimes, the thing you didn't expect is what you really wanted after all.

Jordan is resting her head in Perry's lap.

They both look content.

J.D.'s Narration: Maybe the best thing to do is just stop trying to figure out where you're going, and just enjoy where you're at.

Cut to...

A Fancy Roof-Top Restaurant -- Evening

The gang are at a table, dressed in their finest.

Turk pours some wine.

Turk: All right, now, who wants a refill?

Elliot: Gu--I can't afford this place!

J.D.: Elliot, I'm a hundred and thirty thousand dollars in debt. You're gonna be all right.

Turk laughs.

Carla stands.

Carla: Come on; let's dance, Stud.

She leads him out onto the small dance-floor.

Elliot enjoys a swing of her drink and beckons J.D. to the floor as well.

They dance together.

The song fades.

END